


It has to do with biology… or not

by gothica_v



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-05-19 00:23:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 24,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothica_v/pseuds/gothica_v
Summary: A multi-part Pon Farr story without actual sex (yes, I'm probably crazy). Starts soon after Jim comes back from the dead (STID). Mostly fluff and silliness. Contains also flashbacks/backstories, and here and there (starting with the title) TOS quotes because I just can't help it. HUGE THANKS TO RELEVANT WHO CORRECTED MY VOCABULARY: YOU ARE A GEM :) - COMPLETE (but open for eventual vignettes) (originally posted on FFnet, and yes, i still plan to write those vignettes one day, in case you wonder)





	1. Chapter 1

**I. DEPARTURE (SPOCK'S POV)**

Jim finally realized he was going to win for the second time in a row. He sighed, shaking his head; but his eyes were warm as they met Spock's.

"You know, you don't have to go soft on me because I'm in a hospital bed."

Spock raised an eyebrow to manifest his candor. It was undeniable that when they had started to play Spock had always won; but Jim by then had just come back to consciousness, and he had proved to be a more than worthy opponent as he had got better. So, even if they were at the moment both not at the best of their abilities (even if Jim didn't know about his own current condition), Jim had won fairly.

Jim didn't seem to believe him though : "Let's just stop before this undeserved victory becomes official; it's nearly time for you to leave anyway. But I expect you to kick my ass tomorrow, all right?"

Spock was by now good enough in Jim's idioms to let this one slip without even raising his eyebrow. But he noticed that the visit hours were coming to an end, indeed. He started to put the chess board and pieces in his bag, and was surprised by the force of his reluctance at leaving.

Spock knew he had to leave - and not only for the night. He had already delayed his departure long enough. His Plak Tow could begin in about 46 Terran hours. He would need at least a third of those hours to reach his secured location, and he had to keep a necessary margin, for delay in his journey or in case The Fever hit him sooner than expected. Indulging once again in a few hours more at Jim's side would therefore not only be most unwise, but even possibly criminal – and the prospect of damaging anyone, and in particular Jim, was not an option Spock wished to see turn into reality.

He had been surprised when the first symptoms had manifested themselves, three Terran days and sixteen Terran hours ago, as he had felt an irrational urge to nerve pinch Doctor Mc Coy while he was simply about to inject a pain-soothing hypo into Jim's shoulder; but as they had kept increasing, Spock had had to admit that he was indeed going through his first Time.

Spock had used to doubt whether his particular genetics would ever be burdened by the Vulcan Time; but knowing his physiology was for the most parts Vulcan, he had nonetheless cautiously and carefully prepared for the occasion - about a year ago, when the Vulcan survivors had realized that Pon Farr could appear before the traditional milestone of 28 years and didn't seem to follow its seven years cycle anymore - and he was ready to face the ordeal on his own terms.

The common belief was that Nature in its wisdom was trying to compensate diminished numbers by augmenting frequency, but Spock, with the new insight of his own experience, had briefly wondered if his Time might be due to the whiplash of emotions he had been through lately - from the dismay at Admiral Marcus's treachery; to the stress of battle; to those horrifying seconds of helplessness by the door of the anti-radiation door - the unmatched and surprisingly even physical pain at Jim's imminent loss and the sudden and undeniable realization of exactly what his Captain had come to mean to him; to the most consuming and shameful rage he had ever felt; to the unexpected yet tangible hope but unyielding worry about 1) if and 2) how the secret serum (even Spock had agreed on the necessity to tamper with reports this time; officially, Jim hadn't died but went into coma – and Spock was confident that none of the few actual witnesses would ever want to reveal the truth) would affect Jim; to his guilt towards Nyota; to the intense relief and utter joy when Jim had not only awoken, but had still been Jim… Spock had never experienced such opposite extremes in such a short time. Even the destruction of Vulcan and the loss of his mother weren't comparative factors: it had been (and still was) devastating, and had thrown him through various stages of grief, guilt, and anger at getting praised while he had in truth failed - but all those feelings had belonged only to the negative side of the spectrum.

It didn't matter though that his Pon Farr (alongside those of his contemporary Vulcans?) might have been triggered by emotional unbalance: what was was, and he would have to deal with it. On his own, for everyone's safety.

Spock was sorry to have to disappear without a warning, but he couldn't tell Jim of his plans without lying - and Spock didn't want to lie to Jim, ever; even if for Jim's sake. An omission though, he could live with; so he neglected to answer a question which he knew didn't specifically need one anyway in Jim's point of view and gave Jim the usual short salute he always made before leaving.

"Have a nice evening", Jim simply answered, yawning and stretching some, thankfully unaware of Spock's uneasiness; and the simple goodbye, instead of the litany of thanks or apologies there had used to be only two Terran weeks ago, warmed Spock once more - even through the multiple layers of cold dread and reluctance.

/ / /

"Thank you for coming by", Jim had said the first time. "I really appreciate it. Bones is taking though way too much advantage of Uhura visiting her family. I'll tell him that he doesn't have to make you babysit for me to behave – I can't move a damn muscle yet anyway." (Jim had been chemically restrained shortly after awaking to give a bit more time to his body to recuperate before Jim could try to push it over its limits right away as was his known habit.)

"Captain, I assure you-"

"Whatever. Thank you anyway."

()

"You know, we're off duty right now. You don't have to be a supportive First Officer making sure his Captain doesn't lose it from boredom while stuck in a biobed…"

"Captain, my presence here is not-"

"All right. I just wanted you to be aware of it."

()

"He, I finally made it to the toilets five steps away from that damn bed on my own. So, I told Bones that I should then get out of IC as he had promised, and I told him I wanted a roommate, so, you know, you shouldn't feel obligated anymore to entertain me in your free time." (Spock, when it had become certain that Jim would be out of danger and as Doctor Mc Coy had hinted that Jim would never get any rest if Spock stayed constantly at his side, had agreed to help again at the Academy – there were no classes yet due to the rebuilding but he was giving the last corrections to two new manuals before they went to printing.)

"My free time, as you say, is mine to use as I wish, and I do not consider keeping you company a waste of it; unless you do not appreciate my being here, of course."

The shock on Jim's suddenly pale face had been heartwarming: "What? Please tell me this was just a rhetorical question, because if I gave you the wrong impression-"

Spock allowed himself to give Jim a half smile: "It was." Then, straightening up to finally leave: "Do you happen to play chess?"

"Actually, I do. It's been years though since I last played 3D. So be warned: I will make a poor opponent." There had definitely been challenge in the glint of his eyes nevertheless.

()

It had been the last time Jim had thanked him for coming over or apologizing for his current state; not only finally trusting fully Spock's sincerity, but even more, simply expecting his return the following day as something as predictable as the rise of the sun in the morning. Somehow, it had felt very satisfactory.

The roommate had been sent home 3 Terran days later, and most of the injured having by now left the hospital, no replacement had come.

And then, four Terran days later, his Pon Farr had begun...

/ / /

The thought that no matter his thorough preparations it might well be the last time he would see Jim suddenly sliced through Spock, and he couldn't help but turn back and raise his hands in the Ta'al as he reached the door.

"Live long and prosper, Captain."

Jim eyed him in mid-stretch, obviously surprised by the solemnity of the gesture and/or the greeting, and Spock feared he might have given too much away. Then Jim apparently decided that there was nothing that much out of place with his always solemn Vulcan First Officer being solemn anyway and simply smiled at him, raising his hand in a mirroring gesture : "You too, Spock."

Spock finally left the room, still feeling guilty, but grateful to have been graced with a true blinding warm smile as possible last memory of his Captain.

He fetched the two bags he had left by the depository and caught the first shuttle available to leave the city. Once seated, he took out his padd and set the settings for the automatic sending of the three messages he had prepared: one to the Academy, with the last and final corrections for the manuals and the notice that he would be unavailable, at best, for the coming period of eight Terran days due to Vulcan related necessities; one to Jim, programmed to be sent the next day, five Terran minutes before the start of the visiting hours; and another to Jim, programmed to be sent over seven Terran days (if he was not able to delete it before) containing his location, for retrieval.

There was no notification for his Father. Spock was for now still able (thanks to the great distance between planets) to control the degree of what went through the parental bond, but he did not expect his control to last while under Plak Tow. His Father would know soon enough of his condition, and of his success or failing at going through it. Kaiidth.

Spock put his padd back into the bag and went through his plans one last time, ensuring he had not forgotten anything.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**II. WORRY (JIM'S POV)**

The beeping around him was accelerating... _Calm down! Breathe and calm the fuck down, before Bones rushes here and knocks you out with one of his hypos!_

Spock was in trouble; the last thing Jim wanted right now was to be sedated, huh. He focused on his breathing and thankfully got the readings back to normal.

Jim had read the message on his padd's screen thrice, and had liked it less and less with each try.

"Captain,

I apologize for not being able to come over this afternoon, nor for the coming five Terran days, due to unexpected circumstances I have no control over but which demand my instant and undivided attention – answering messages or calls will also be impossible, unfortunately. You will hear from me though after such a period has passed. I have joined a few mathematical puzzles and chess problems for you to enjoy during my absence. I hope you will find them satisfactory.

Peace and long life."

There was of course no signature of any kind, the identity of the author clear enough from the sending address.

It should have been heartwarming to notice how much closer they clearly were nowadays than merely months ago, even through the usual, seemingly cold, factual tone of the short note. But Jim had only felt his blood run cold. The absence of any plain explanation for such a sudden disappearance, added to the insistence about his helplessness in the matter, had Jim worried - and worse, after a flash of Spock's goodbye from the day before hit his memory: sure that his worry was valid. His guts were telling him with even more certitude at each reread of the message that Spock was in trouble - and Jim would never be able to sit through five days just waiting, even with equations to solve (seriously, how could Spock have ever believed that this would be enough to placate him?); no way.

Jim didn't think Spock's mysterious absence was linked to his father or Uhura: Spock would have mentioned it – sure, he was private and all that; but he was never actually secretive. Jim had to check though, to be sure.

It was still (but just) a decent hour to contact Nyota so Jim called her first, pretending he had just been thinking about her because he was busying himself with Federation crosswords and had to 'find' the word for 'star' in Swahili. She was definitely her usual self, and after chatting for about five minutes, Jim was pretty sure Spock's disappearance wasn't related to her.

So Jim went to check on Sarek.

/ / /

The Vulcans held an online portal where every citizen could be registered (if they wished to) and would periodically let their current occupation and location known, so that an available expert for whatever kind of project the installation on New Vulcan required would be found easily when needed. The Ambassador (Jim played along in public, of course, but he didn't like to refer to him privately as 'Selek'; and it felt weird to call him 'Spock' – hence the defining capitals at his function) had granted Jim with access codes (a honor and huge sign of trust only a few non Vulcan had the privilege to share) soon after it had been launched, so that Jim could be able to locate and contact him if ever needed - even as he had repeated again his vow about not interfering with this universe, of course.

No one else knew Jim could enter the portal. For safety reasons, obviously, and also because Jim knew how much Vulcans valued privacy. He hadn't even told Spock yet – not that he didn't trust him or thought that Spock would have a problem with it at all though; it had just never came up. And the only contact Jim kept there was The Ambassador.

To tell the truth though, the first time that Jim had logged in, he had looked up if Spock had opened an account too.

He had typed 'Spock' in the search field and had discovered exactly how common a first name 'Spock' was (287 entries – none including The Ambassador, of course), and (after multiple tries) what 'his' Spock(s) actual clan name was. Jim liked the fact that he was able to write it in Vulcan now, even if he would never dare to transcribe it into Standard or pronounce it without having first learned firsthand from one Spock how it should in fact be pronounced - Jim had used to find the fact that Vulcans were addressed only by their function and first name somehow irreverent (if humans could say 'schtroumpfs' or 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' or whatever, they could learn to pronounce Vulcan names right too); but he had learned at the Academy that it had been actually a demand from the Vulcans soon after First Contact, and had concluded that it probably felt more irreverent to a Vulcan to have his clan name mispronounced than not pronounced at all (which was why he would never utter Spock's name out loud).

Anyway, when he had clicked on 'his' Spock page, Jim had been in awe to see how much Spock seemed to be doing for the Colony. Not that he was surprised that anyone would seek Spock's advice – the 'man' (for lack of a better word, because Jim didn't like the word 'humanoid' – why should every biped in the universe be named after us? – and Spock was at least half one, genetically…) was literally a genius, not only by human standards but by Vulcan's too, and that really meant something. But the amount of topics, trends and torrents, even if Jim couldn't actually read them (every link on a private page was password protected; and even if they hadn't been: Jim's Vulcan wasn't very good yet. He managed some (and could guess some more, especially if it was computer related) and he had sworn to himself that he would actually learn it to a decent level, if only by respect for his First Officer, but he hadn't yet found the time for more than the two first lessons in the beginner's manual he had purchased) was simply astonishing. When did Spock find the time for all this work, as a surplus to his already heavy tasks as First Officer, Science Officer, and Academy Member? It must be the truth then, that Vulcans didn't need much sleep…

Jim though had closed the page right away, and had never opened it again since. Again, he knew how much Vulcans valued their privacy, and he didn't want to pry into Spock's life - no matter how curious he was nor how fascinating Spock was to him.

So, Jim had only used the portal until now to chat with The Ambassador once in a while. Actually, Jim had more contact with Spock's counterpart than Spock himself (which was understandable, because it must feel weird – talking to yourself, for real?) He had even briefly communicated with him this very morning; so he knew he was all right and couldn't be the reason for Spock's absence.

The old Vulcan held a special place in his heart, even if Jim knew they didn't know each other enough to be, in fact, friends. He supposed it had something to do with him saving his life - playing thus also a part in saving Earth - which both called at the least for eternal gratitude, and forced his respect; and/or with the fact that the mysterious man, just like Christopher Pike, had appeared to truly believe in him, even without knowing him – a rare feat which only made Jim work to be worthy of such a trust; and/or with the fact that, during the 'information transfer', he had undeniably felt so many things at the background - and even if Jim still couldn't actually identify what he had felt, he had recognized it, whatever it was, to be strong and somehow painful, so Jim simply wanted to soothe it a bit, unable to even begin to imagine how it must feel, to be lost in another universe, apart from everything and everyone one had ever known and cared for; and/or with the simple fact that it was Spock – another Spock of course, but still, Spock, intrinsically - and maybe Jim couldn't care for one of them without caring for the other too).

/ / /

But now the portal would come in handy. Jim just knew Sarek must have a page, and found it quickly, knowing now the right clan name to type in. Spock's father had answered on three topics in the last hour, so Jim believed he must be fine indeed. Jim searched also the Federation News, in case, but nothing particular came up either.

Jim, as a last resource, made an exception to his own rule and went to Spock's page, in case there would be some kind of notification there. But what he found only exacerbated his anxiety: Spock had turned the contact button off.

Jim then quickly analyzed what his other options were and made his battle plan.

First, Jim checked if Spock had boarded any interplanetory flights since leaving the evening before (hacking into the passenger's lists took time but wasn't a feat for someone with his computer skills).

He came out blank; and for the first time since he had read Spock's message, Jim felt some relief. He knew Spock would be able to travel under a false identity if necessary; but, knowing him, it would be his very last choice - and so, for the time being, Jim decided that it was most probable that Spock was still on Earth (and that he would freak out even more if it turned out not to be so, but _later_ , not now). And if Spock was still on Earth, then Jim should be able to locate him, and fast, thanks to The Enterprise's sensor scans (Jim knew from the first report on his Ship's status and necessary repairs that those hadn't been damaged during 'The Marcus Crisis').

Jim had run a quick search on the academic xenobiology server, targeting the most obvious Vulcan trademark properties he could find, and had decided that temperature must be the fastest way to locate Spock: there were after all probably not that many Vulcans on Earth nowadays, and (as he had just been checking for) there weren't many other races with the same temperature range as them. It was definitely a good place to start.

So Jim contacted Scotty (he knew his Chief Engineer barely left 'his lady', especially at such dire times as repairs), told him that there was an emergency involving Spock and that he needed him to start searching for planetside's people-sized vitals fitting within a margin from 32°C to 35°C, as widely as he could (the repairs docks were sub-orbit high, so the scans range would be shorter than usual, meaning they would need more time to scan the whole surface - so better start as soon as possible).

Scotty, resourceful and understanding his end goal as always, told him then that he was confident that they were nearly done with the transport room repairs (Jim knew it was a priority, because it facilitated the transport of whatever material that might be needed for the repairs, but he actually went 'Yes' to the air nonetheless; he hadn't been counting on the possibility of beaming so soon in the repairs and had been ready for any way of travelling which would have been necessary - but beaming would definitely be the fastest way to reach any destination) and that he would arrange for a 'Fleet approved beaming test period in the coming hours (for security reasons, nothing nor no one could be beamed up to or down from the repairs docks without an authorization and its consequential local lowering of shields).

The next logical step then was to escape from the hospital. A nurse had come by while he was searching through the xenobiology library, and his most unflinching guard was currently buildings away (Bones had told him during their morning chat that he had meetings planned at The Academy by the middle of the afternoon); so Jim knew he had some time unchecked. He scribbled a quick note for Bones, telling him that 'he had a good reason to leave' and that 'he would contact him asap', then went for it.

He regretted that it would cause Bones to worry; but he had simply no other choice. First, Jim believed there was no time to lose, so he just couldn't wait for Bones to come back. Also, Bones would never agree to have him leave to start with; and, after precious minutes of convincing Jim thought unwise to chance, he would insist on going with him - and Jim doubted Spock would appreciate yet another witness to his problems (Jim believed himself to be an unwelcome witness too, but his guts – again, yes; but he had learned to rely on them – were telling him that 'someone' should do something; so it might just as well be him, as he both wasn't committed to anything right now, and had the means to act).

It turned out to be more exhausting than he had expected (Bones was proved right: Jim wasn't yet back in shape, sadly) but Jim successfully made it out of the building and took a taxi to the deposit where all his possessions were stored while on mission (they had of course by now got quarters assigned for the repairs duration; but for security reasons only the owner could normally take belongings off deposit, and, as Jim hadn't been able to move in his quarters yet, all his clothes (apart from the few comfy clothes Bones, as his CMO, had been allowed to retrieve), particularly his uniforms, were still at the deposit). Once there, Jim freshened up and changed into one of his grey uniform - he had to look the part he was about to play. Then, after a longing look to the motor he knew he wasn't ready yet to ride, he went to take another taxi to the Northern American Space Docks, where he knew The Enterprise was being repaired. He announced himself, flashed a few smiles, told he had come to see how The Enterprise's repairs were going, went to the various obligatory stages of security to prove his ID, and then was allowed to proceed. Scotty had contacted him during the taxi ride; the beaming tests were authorized, and the first tests were going smoothly. Now, he only needed the sensors to beep…


	3. Chapter 3

**III. THE CAVE**

Jim notified Scotty that he was successfully transported down, told him to stand by, took a look at his surroundings and then took out a tricorder - Scotty had told him that it seemed this search result was somehow below surface level (but of course he had to be beamed down at surface level not to risk rematerializing in a stone wall), so Jim had to find an entrance somewhere, but he couldn't see any with his naked eyes.

The Enterprise's sensors had found two results to the required search. Jim had selected this one as the most probable to be Spock, even though this source temperature was quite higher than the common Vulcan temperature of 32.78°C (91°F) whereas the other source was merely 0.05°C hotter than the norm, for three reasons : 1) additional scans showed the targeted person to be alone; 2) the signal came from a desert area, and the Grand Canyon might be one of the closest places on Earth to Vulcan-that-was conditions; and 3) Spock's own temperature might be higher than other Vulcans, as he was half human (which was why Jim had taken such a wider up margin in his search to start with). But Jim had to find out as quickly as possible if he had chosen right…

After some pacing around, the tricorder finally signaled a difference in the ground composition, and Jim uncovered a small wooden trapdoor, hidden under dried grass that had been attached to it. It was sealed shut, and Jim couldn't hear any noise from behind it, so he decided to proceed as unannounced as possible – he had after all no idea of what awaited him, so better apologize for a breach in civilities than to take unnecessary risks. He took out his phaser, burnt a tiny hole in the wood, passed his hand inside and unlocked it.

There was a narrow aluminium ladder plunging into moist darkness, and Jim took it down as quietly as he could. It wasn't long before he reached the ground, and from down there he could see a faint glow, as if some light emanated from the end of the natural tunnel which opened in front of him. There was still only silence around him, and Jim cautiously moved toward the light. His breath stopped when he took the last turn of the short tunnel.

He had fortunately chosen the right option to investigate, because there was one person in the cave, and it was definitely Spock.

But he had unfortunately been right about him being in trouble, because Spock was clearly  _chained_ to the stone wall, and Jim's heart missed a beat at the sight.

This wasn't what Jim had expected at all - Spock had obviously been aware that he was going to disappear, so the possibility of a kidnapping or such had never crossed Jim's mind. The current situation though could in Jim's view only be explained that way; and it made a lot of sense too, sadly.

After all, Spock was not only Vulcan (and Vulcans were both held in high esteem and a rarity at the time being to start with); he was also one of the only two Vulcan/Human hybrids in the universe (and officially, the only known one). Furthermore, he was renowned in any known quadrant for his actions as a Star Fleet Commander. So, from mad 'collectors' to vindictive enemies of the Federation, there was a whole range of possible suspects for perpetrating such an act. Maybe Spock had been lured into some kind of secret appointment under false pretenses, and had been abducted? The fact that he had thought to be away for several days also gave his captors a secured time frame before people would start wondering about him not coming back as announced...

Jim felt a fierce rush of rage spread through him and worked on tampering it down: he needed to  _focus -_ whoever was responsible was obviously pretty sure of his own strength, to have acted  _on Earth_.

Now even more prudent, Jim scanned the cave they were in. Artificial light was on, and there was apparently no other entrance/exit than the one he had just taken. The furniture was reduced to a mat (where Spock sat, as if meditating), an old fashioned bathtub, and a cooling unit next to it. Jim still couldn't sense any presence besides Spock's, so he quietly but quickly ran to his First Officer, any eventual pain in his recovering limbs for now definitely numbed by stress.

"Spock!", he whispered as he came within (human - old habits died hard) hear range, "How many are they? Do you know when they plan to come back?"

Spock's eyes flashed open, but somehow lacked their usual resolve as they met Jim's, surprise evident in their depths. "Captain?"

_Shit! He's been drugged! – Well, of course; to take a Vulcan down without a commotion…_

Jim tried to hide the growing panic in his voice and went on somehow gentler: "Spock, please, you have to extend your arms so that I can severe the chains without burni-"

He was cut though by a definitely focused and reproachful "How c-" and couldn't help but groan: "Really? You think now is an appropriate time to worry about regulations? They needed to test the transport room anyway. And your situation more than justifies anything unruly I might have done – which I haven't, mind you. Do you know how much Starfleet has invested in you? They would thank me for saving your ass even if I had to break the whole damn codebook. Now, (trying to move Spock's arms) just help me set you free and let's get out o-"

"Captain. First, I was merely about to state that you should presently be in a biobed. Then, I wish you would quit trying to get me out of those chains, as I chained myself up with good reasons."

"What?" Jim was sure he was gaping like a fish in disbelief.  _Spock had chained himself ?_

_._

_AN: I shamelessly quoted The Apple, yeah, but Jim hiding his feelings behind the Federation money always has me going AAAAAWWWWWW. (And feel free (I know I did) to imagine Jim holding for a short while some pinky kind of stalagtite as a possible weapon - YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN if you've ever seen TOS : he has his phaser here and its working so I refrained myself, but yeah I thought about it, and yeah I laughed, you bet.)_

 


	4. Chapter 4

**IV. Let. Me. Help.**

"Also, it is imperative that you leave and do not come back until four and a half Terran days have passed."

Jim, who still hadn't recover from the initial shock, finally snapped at that: "Jesus, Spock! You chained yourself up in a godforsaken cave! You can't truly expect me to be aware of this fact and just leave you here!? What the devil is this all about?"

Spock inhaled sharply, an oddity in itself, and Jim noted with growing alarm that his hands were clenched, fists tight, as if he was restraining himself from snapping back. He answered though quite neutrally (even if not achieving his usual tone) : "I thank you for your concern but I do insist, Captain. I need to be left to rest on my own. I am asking you to accept that answer. Besides, we are currently off-duty; and were we not, as I never deemed it necessary to take shore leave on the many occasions you proposed I take one, you know I have accumulated sufficient-"

Jim started to actually shout: "For God's sake, I'm not veto-ing your right to holidays! You're obviously in trouble, so don't compare this to a stroll in a park! I was worried since I got your message, but this surpass any expectation I might have had. So, I don't understand what's going on; but I sure ain't going nowhere without you right now."

Spock looked as if he was actually gritting his teeth in order not to bite - !? - as he resolutely repeated his wish to be left alone: "Captain, I need to be locked away. And I do not wish to be seen. I cannot. No Vulcan could explain further. So ask me no further questions. I will not answer."

Jim played then what felt like his best card, knowing how Spock valued hierarchy: "Spock, you have to explain. Consider that an order."

He was baffled though by Spock's answer : "Captain, there are some things which transcend even the discipline of the service."

Jim's anger dissolved at this, and he found himself simply pleading: "Spock, I'm asking you. Not as your Captain now, but as your friend. What's wrong?"

Spock's shoulders seemed to slump, as if he felt defeated. A moment later, his voice cut the silence, in a tone that broke Jim's heart - barely above a whisper: "If I was to explain my situation, will you then leave as I wish?"

Spock's eyes were soft yet determined, and Jim wasn't sure anymore of the right thing to do, not when Spock seemed so sure of needing to be left alone. Jim actually took some time to consider the request before answering honestly : "I can't promise you anything before knowing what's going on. But I won't leave until you eventually convince me of why I should do so, so you might as well take your chance…"

A moment passed in silence, and Jim pushed: "Spock. I'm trying to help you. So please. Let me help."

And after a beat, Spock started explaining…


	5. Chapter 5

**V. VULCAN BIOLOGY**

Spock met Jim's eyes dead-on: "It is a thing no out-worlder may know except those very few who have been involved. A Vulcan understands, but even we do not speak of it among ourselves."

"Whatever it is, I swear-" Jim was then interrupted by a swift yet embarrassed confession he sensed was supposed to be final and all revealing: "It has to do with biology."

It wasn't making much clearer though: "What?"

"Biology."

"What kind of biology?"

"Vulcan biology."

"You mean the biology of Vulcans?" Spock nodded, turning somehow a slight shade greener as if he was blushing, and Jim believed he had finally grasped the concept hinted at: "Biology as in reproduction?" Another nod, conveying more relief than embarrassment this time.

Jim though couldn't see how such a basic aspect of life should be so hush-hush: "Well, that is not exactly a secret. Of course Vulcans do the deed, just like us and the birds and the bees and any living creature who doesn't multiply by splitting itself to perpetuate its race". And more importantly, Jim couldn't see the logic link with Spock's current situation: "It still doesn't explain why you are chained to a stone wall?"

Spock kind of shuddered - another out of character and alarming sign Jim didn't miss. "The birds and the bees are not Vulcans, Captain. And you have no concept of how we are affected; what it means for creatures as proudly logical as us to have our logic stripped away from us, for days. It is the Pon Farr. The time of mating. It strips our minds from us. It brings a madness which rips away our veneer of civilization. I had hoped I would be spared this, but the ancient drives are just too strong."

Jim processed this new piece of information and gave it the only sense it could make in the context they were in – in a cave hidden in the middle of a desert area – relief going through him, if this was simply about  _that_ …

"So… You mean you fear you'd get too horny and you don't want to risk hitting on another girl before Uhura gets here? Well, that's probably a wise mov-"

Jim wouldn't have doubts believing Nyota hadn't mentioned anything this morning on the phone because it was apparently a 'secret' thing to start with, but he suddenly remembered the absence of any large comfortable bed or at least mattress in the cave; which Spock would surely never had omitted if only for Uhura's sake if he had actually planned a multiple days long sex marathon, right... Which could only mean: "But she has no idea of what's happening to you?!"

Spock seemed now kind of sad and didn't correct him; and it both sliced through Jim like a knife and brought the panic back at the forefront of his mind...

.

_AN: I know, shamelessly quoting Amok Time all over the last two chapters... but I just LOVE those scenes :) and it IS the canon on which all PF stories are built on after all._


	6. Chapter 6

**VI. NYOTA (SPOCK'S POV)**

Jim had mentioned Nyota and Spock hadn't been able not to internally cringe. He still felt guilt over the last time he had seen her.

/ / /

It was 38 Terran hours and 24 Terran minutes after Dr Mc Coy had inoculated Jim with Khan's blood based serum. Spock hadn't left Jim's side since; he just couldn't.

It was only though when he noticed Nyota's presence in the doorway that he suddenly truly realized for how long he had been there, standing and staring at Jim, and how he hadn't in that time even once thought about Nyota, nor less contacted her. Suddenly, Spock realized he felt something he had never felt before in his life : he felt not only guilty; he felt ashamed.

She seemed sad. Her eyes were only soft though as they met his as she entered the room, a bag thrown on her shoulder. Her voice too was soft as she nodded towards Jim, asking simply "How is he?"

"Stabilized and stable. His vitals are still low, but they are now regular. Dr Mc Coy estimates it to be a good sign."

(Silence, as they probably both pondered on the possibility of the serum not working, but were both unwilling to mention it aloud in case it would make it happen)

"I brought you clothes. I went with Doc when he went to retrieve some for the Captain, and after some persuasion and several ID checks they finally agreed to let me pick two sets of clothes out of one box they brought – I just knew you would have all your boxes marked with their content… No meditation robe though, sorry; I was only allowed one box."

"Nyota," he started, unsure of what he wanted to say at the moment but knowing he should say something.

She cut him off, in her imperative tone he knew was not to dismiss: "I'll stay with him while you freshen up. Trust me, Vulcan biology or not, you seriously need it now."

And sensing that she wouldn't participate in any kind of conversation until he relented, Spock simply decided to take the bag she had set at his feet and went to the adjacent bathroom.

When he reemerged 4.3 Terran minutes later, the door of the room was shut, and Nyota was seated in a chair she had placed next to the bed, eyeing Jim protectively.

"You were right about the benefits of a shower. Thank you."

She nodded, her eyes not leaving Jim's face.

"So. It's him, huh. He's the one, for you."

At any other time, Spock would have asked for further clarification at such a phrasing. But right now, he knew exactly what Nyota meant, and that she was right, no matter the definition she would infer to her statement. She had seen him cry; which was quite a statement in itself, but which had happened before and which he would have done over her too without a doubt. But worse, and undeniably telling, she had seen him  _losing control_. Even his mother's death hadn't broken him in such a way...

He was surprised that she apparently wished to have this much needed conversation here and not in some more personal setting. He couldn't help but be grateful though, because that way he was still able to monitor Jim's condition – which Nyota probably knew : she was just indulging him. Spock felt even more undeserving of her affection. But he would never lie to her.

"It appears to be so."

Spock truly loved Nyota, and he was attracted to her. Yet, what he felt for Jim - even if different than what he felt for Nyota, and even if unprecedented in his life and honestly puzzling – was, undeniably, MORE: Jim was  _vital_ , intrinsically vital, Spock had realized the moment he had thought he was going to lose him forever...

Spock's voice turned imploring without him noticing as he continued, willing Nyota to believe his blindness and innocent naivety: "I swear I did not know."

Her eyes finally caught his again, and the honest warmth that still flowed from them even after such final a confession amazed him. "I know you didn't. In retrospect though, I should have understood it long ago. There was to be a reason after all for why you always would open up more easily in a conversation if I involved the Captain."

"Well, I do not understand it. I do cherish you; that has not and will never change. We were the most logical match."

Nyota smiled sadly at him. "We were, indeed. But love, Spock? Love doesn't HAVE to be logical, and it rarely is. It comes in many forms, but it is as it is. Kaiidth."

She was right, of course.

"I am sorry."

"Don't be. I don't blame you, nor him. Feelings can't be forced; nor neglected. It hurts, of course, because I do love you, Spock. I loved you before we got together, and I probably always will. But I love you enough to want you to follow your heart. And I should love myself enough to want to be in a relation in which both parties feel that the other one is the most important in their life. So, in the end, it is better that we realized this before eventually bonding. Besides, at least – even if I would never have thought that I would mean those words even less than two years ago – the Captain is a good man. And I know he actually values you right as much as you should be valued."

Her words held some finality, and Spock couldn't help but worry: "Nyota-"

"I'll be fine, Spock. We'll be fine. I'm gonna use some of the spare time we have due to the repairs to visit my family; I haven't seen them in ages. But I will come back to our ship."

She pressed a hand to his right arm reassuringly, then started to move towards the door. She turned back to him before reaching it.

"Let me know when he awakes." Spock found some new strength in the fact that she hadn't use 'if'. "And please, use the chair, at least. A shower is magical, but a bit of sleep wouldn't be luxury either. Any change in those beeps would wake you, you know it would. And you know he would tell you the same. So take care of you, Spock - for him and for me if not for you. Ok?"

She expected an answer, so he nodded; and she left.

/ / /

For the reader's information, Spock did finally sit on the chair; at nights. He did not sleep though. He was Vulcan and could do without for Terran days. He would recuperate after.  _After._

It had taken 3 more Terran days for Jim's vitals to start getting better. Spock had hesitated several times in that interval upon the benefits of trying to meld with Jim's mind to lure it back to consciousness. He hadn't. Theoretically, he knew as a Vulcan that it was most efficient to let the body recuperate on his own terms and at his own rate – those were the basics of the Vulcan healing trance; and he knew human doctors sometimes induced coma on their patient too for the same reason. To be honest though, Spock had wondered if he wasn't attempting a meld simply because he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to find Jim inside; or worse, that he would find someone else…

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**VII. REVELATIONS**

_( / / / = change in POV)_

Jim was still waiting for an answer to his last question. Spock would have preferred not to have to explain any of it, but he knew he just had to. Jim  _had_ to leave. And the frightening truth might be the only way to persuade him to do so.

"I indeed decided about eighteen Terran months ago to face my first Time, if it ever came, on my own. The Vulcan mating time is known to be quite violent, even when only Vulcans are involved... I would never wish to harm anyone, let alone one I care for."

Jim seemed nonplussed. "Spock!? I know you're way stronger than any of us, so I think I get your concern; but seriously? You would never hurt Nyota."

Jim had used her first name, something he normally never did, and Spock understood that it was a way to emphasize how close Spock was to her. "Sadly, your confidence in such a fact is based on fallacious beliefs, and it would be ill-advised for me to share it, even if I lacked the hindsight gained through recent events."

Spock couldn't help but averting his eyes.  _Dead._  He had wanted Khan  _dead_.  _By his own hands_. The deep shame he felt for having ever entertained such a new and shocking thought, as one who aspired to value and respect life in all its possible forms, didn't change the fact though. And if he hadn't been able to refrain from such a vile urge while 'simply' emotionally compromised, how could he ever hope to fare well under the flames of his Plak Tow?

It only lasted an instant though before he met Jim's eyes again to give him the evidently much needed shortened lesson in Vulcan history: "In the times preceding our adoption of Surak's teachings, we Vulcans used to be a violent race; our history seems to be an interminable spilling of blood in wars between clans. Yet, even those events seem to pale in comparison to the violence of Pon Farr. The old chronicles are full of mentions of fights to the death, either between candidates or between a male going through his Time and anyone who came between him and the partner he had chosen to bond with… Multiple rapes; unwilling partners dismembered in fits of rage; entire families decimated… Even children, Captain…"

/ / /

Jim, even with the memory of Spock's hand around his neck, truly had difficulties imagining Vulcans ever acting as violently as Spock depicted; but Spock was looking at his own hands with a clear (!) mix of distrust and disgust - as if those were actually capable of committing such atrocities - and Jim  _ached_. He had to do something about it, even if it meant reopening other wounds.

"Spock, come on… Don't you think it is a possibility that whoever wrote those chronicles might have been exaggerating? I mean…"

Jim was bracing himself to pursue, but Spock, who had of course perfectly understood where he was headed, beat him to it.

"You wish to refer to my mother. But the situation of my parents was very different. First, my father was older than I am now when my parents got together, and he had already passed the first four Pon Farrs which are generally the strongest. Then, more importantly, my parents were bonded; and such a bond serves then as the most effective protection. To start with, on a practical level, such a connection allows the male undergoing his Time to feel when he is dangerously hurting his bonded; and then, even while incapable of processing any thought, the male would instinctively react in order to correct the situation: Vulcans are by nature very protective of their bonds, as a strong bond being damaged, or worse ended, will always cause them harm."

Jim could hardly grasp how much he was learning - it felt like Russian nesting dolls: every time Spock revealed something, there seemed to be another layer related to it. And no matter the gravity of the situation at hand, Jim couldn't help but be fascinated (even if he felt guilty about the kind of stolen vibe of Spock's confessions, and couldn't help but dread how worrying it was if Spock felt necessary to lay bare so much to convince him to leave).

It was common knowledge that Vulcans were touch telepaths; and Jim had both witnessed and felt firsthand how his Spocks could 'meld'. But Jim had never heard about 'a bond' – which made sense, as it seemed to be a very private Vulcan matter. If he understood Spock right though, it was a mental link; strong enough to connect people even when they were not touching; physical enough to bring  _harm_ , in Spock's words, when severed; and which could be formed with other species, at least with humans.

Jim couldn't help but wonder in passing about how such a 'bond' worked and felt (he would have probably asked at least fifty questions if this had been a classroom) – particularly, right now, he really wanted to know if those bonds were only between mates or if there were bonds of several kinds… especially family bonds; because he knew how much Spock had been and probably still was affected by his mother's death, and he couldn't help but fear now the possible  _physical_ repercussions on Spock's mind. Again, Spock had said  _harm_ ; and Jim had difficulties moving past that word…

You bet Jim took the oath right there and then to work on his Vulcan - both actual and ancient - right the moment this whole crisis would be over, in order to be able to read on anything Vulcan from the original sources and learn as much as possible about 'Vulcanity'; because what if there were other possibilities yet for Spock to come into trouble simply because of his genetic and cultural heritage? He knew Bones had made sure by their first mission to have blood, skin and tissues samples from all the crew, in order to be able to quickly synthetize any type which might be needed, so the basic dangers were as covered as they could be. But what about all the other possible threats?

For now though, Jim shut both his concern and his fascination down to focus strictly on the matter at hand.

"And you and Nyota aren't bonded." It was not a question.

"We are not. And before you suggest that we might as well bond now that my Time has hit (Jim shut his mouth shut), let me inform you that it would not be a viable option anyway, as it would require time for the bond to get strong enough, as humans are generally untrained in any kind of telepathy; time that I do not presently have, even if I would have been willing to attempt it - which I am not. A Vulcan bond is meant to be for life, and shouldn't be created simply for practicality; it is after all the reason why I wished for Nyota to have a sufficient amount of time before even considering such a decision – which obviously was the right thing to do, as we finally decided to terminate our romantic association."

Jim couldn't help but blurt out. "You two broke up?" Jim would have never believed those two would ever part. Spock was of course (one of) the (two) most humane Vulcan in history, and Uhura was probably the most 'vulcany' Human to have ever existed. They just made sense together… Concern then hit Jim like a brick once more, knowing how much Spock, being Vulcan, must have loved Uhura to actually get into a relationship to start with: "Oh my – Are you- "

Spock seemed to take the way his eyes might have gone out of their sockets once more (what a day, really!) as worry over the consequences for his crew, because he cut him mid-sentence: "We both decided that continuing our romantic relationship would not be fulfilling for any of us. But Nyota and I still cherish each other. We will have no troubles serving together on The Enterprise."

Jim wasn't sure what to do with such a statement. "That wasn't exactly my first concern, but it's nice to know; I guess..."

Spock then went back to the situation at hand, in a resolute manner that left no space for further delay: "In any way, Captain, what is, is. I am bondless, and as such potentially a lethal weapon soon to be activated."

Jim couldn't let Spock talk about himself in such a way: "Spock!"

Spock though didn't even acknowledged the interruption. "I had hoped my human heritage would counteract my ability to enter Pon Farr, and I still hope it might at least reduce its effects in some way. But, as this is my first Time, and as I do not know how strongly it will affect me, I am asking you once more to leave me alone, and expect you to finally respect my demand."

And that's when Jim saw a way out: "We could ask The Ambassador! He would know-"

But Spock cut him again (another proof if needed about how not Spock-like he was behaving at the moment, Jim couldn't miss to notice): "It would be an unnecessary breach of privacy. As Vulcan wasn't destroyed in his universe, my counterpart would have had help, if needed, from his T'Pring."

/ / /

Speaking her name evoked both warmth and sadness, and Spock briefly wondered if this feeling was what humans called 'melancholia'. He could see her vividly in his memory, a kaleidoscope of her face from her youth to the last time he had seen her…

The sudden break of the bond with his mother had temporarily obscured the break shortly after of his bond with T'Pring, but when he had realized that she was also gone, he had sincerely mourned for her too.

They had met at 7, a short time before the ceremony, but Spock had right away liked her. The most astonishing though had been that she had liked him too. Unlike all his peers, she saw his human heritage as something valuable instead of a weakness; her belief in IDIC wasn't only theorical, it was genuine.

They didn't see each other that often, but they quite regularly talked through their bond.

After their kiss ceremony, while they walked in his mother's garden, he had sensed her growing hesitation about sharing something to him, and had quietly urged her on. She had then confessed that she truly appreciated him but that she hoped to be a mother one day, and he had simply nodded his understanding (they couldn't know for sure before his first Time hit, but Spock knew how as a hybrid he might be infertile) and sworn acceptance.

When they were 17, she had met Stonn. Spock had never met him, but he could feel how much she loved him. He had asked her once if she wished to break their bond, but she had categorically refused: 1) She didn't wish to part, even when Spock would meet someone to bond with 2) And if she remained his only bonded she would be there for him if his Time ever hit. Spock had objected that Stonn might not agree with her decision but she had counteracted that 1) it would be illogical to endanger him while it was in her power to help 2) Stonn as a Vulcan should and would simply accept that fact 3) there were few chances that children might be conceived anyway 4) and if it should happen, then they should all be only happy about it – even Stonn would love the child, as he loved her, and it would be hers. Her logic was flawless.

She had been happy for him when he had gotten involved with Nyota - especially about the fact that what he felt for Nyota was of the same strength as what she felt for Stonn. She had sensed his fears though and had repeated her vows. Spock had told her that he would discuss it with Nyota first, if it ever became necessary. They still had years before His Time came anyway.

Then Vulcan had been destroyed, and her light had disappeared along their home. And Spock had turned even more protective of the only woman still in his life, and had decided to face his Time, should it come, on his own.

/ / /

See? There it happened again, the Russian nesting dolls effect… Jim had absolutely no idea who Spock was now talking about : "T'Pring?"

Spock met his eyes again and explained, a surprising fondness evident in his voice: "Our betrothed. Since Surak's ways were adopted, Vulcans are bonded when they reach 7 years of age in order to minimalize the risks related to Pon Farr."

Jim wasn't sure he was hearing things right and blurted out: "You arrange marriages between 7 years old kids ?!"

Spock didn't even raise one eyebrow at the tone. He simply clarified: "Not exactly. It is merely a safety option, to ensure no one has to get through his Time alone. It makes also sure the bond has enough time to mature enough even between individuals who do not pass a lot of time together. It is of course legally possible for one or both parties to have the bond removed between the age of 7 and adulthood. It rarely happens though, even when one finds a more suitable mate who takes priority over the initial bond. Breaking a bond is harmful, and as such, illogical. T'Pring and I for example stayed bonded after she met Stonn and I Nyota."

But the bond ultimately got severed anyway, Jim couldn't help but add mentally. Which meant that Spock had in fact lost  _two_  bonds alongside his world. That Spock had been  _harmed_  twice…

Spock failed to notice his once more growing worry and was implacably back to his original plea before Jim could even blink: "But speaking of the past does not change the present, and now that you know why I should be left alone, I do not think it wise for you to further delay your departure."

Jim didn't like it. Thinking of leaving Spock here on his own right now made him cringe. But Spock had explained his reasons; and they were valid.

"I suppose most of us, even now, still overlook the fact that even Vulcans aren't indestructible and occasionally need their rest."

"Nevertheless, we are not; and we do."

Jim's shoulders finally slumped in defeat: "I haven't heard a word you've said, and I understand what you expect of me."

Jim worked on tamping down his last reluctance at the obvious relief in Spock's simple answer: "Thank you, Captain."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / /

AN:

Short note on Vulcans rites in my head: the bonding at 7 is canon; the ceremony kiss around 14 is mine, because of Saavik and 'teenage Spock' (he is imo too young by then in TSFS to have actual sex - just let me live in my head, I like it there). And I know my T'Pring might seem quite different but well, other universe and all... i don't think she's that much ooc though, because she's still VERY logical - she just looks at things from another perspective :)

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**VIII. CHANGE OF HEART (JIM'S POV)**

Jim was going to turn away when his mind screamed something at him - something which he couldn't ignore : for Spock's full strength to get as unleashed as Spock apparently feared, it would first require that Spock's brain lost control of it, right!

Jim met Spock's gaze dead-on and asked as calmly as he could: "One last thing though. What will happen to you?"

One eyebrow perched up. "I believed I had made clear that I am most probably about to get violent and that-"

Jim flared up once more. "I understood how you chained yourself up here for everyone's sake and all; but that's not what I mean, and you must know it." He sighed. "Spock. You'll get ill, won't you?"

Spock's eyes seemed to soften somewhat apologetically at the distress in his tone. "We call it Plak Tow. You can compare it to a high fever. It lasts for about three Terran days."

"How high can it get?"

"It is variable."

A year ago, Jim might have missed the clue and simply thought that Spock meant that it didn't affect everyone at the same level. But Jim knew Spock too well by now: if that had been what Spock meant, he would have said something along the lines of 'There is no standard temperature for it, as one metabolism generally reacts differently than another'. But Spock had said 'variable'- and Jim could now only notice the lack of mention of what made it variable in Spock's statement and pushed on, sensing that Spock withheld information: "And what factor is responsible for that variation?"

Spock seemed reluctant to answer. He held his gaze though as he answered: "The mating frequency."

Jim was back drowning in dread, and the well seemed deeper than ever: "But as you will not mate, the fever will keep rising? For three days long ?!" Even for a half Vulcan, this might imply serious dehydration, delirium, multiple organ failures and/or brain damage, and ultimately, possibly, death…

"Your assessment of the situation is correct. I made preparations though to keep it as low as possib-"

But Jim didn't really heard him speak as he exploded: "I don't believe this. You're acknowledged as the most intelligent species in all known quadrants, and you tell me no one ever thought to find a cure for this, while it's _that_ dangerous both for the community and for the one going through it? It doesn't make any sense!"

"We have no choice, Captain. Pon Farr is the biological trigger for the production of our reproductive cells. Searching for a cure for it could mean our extinction if it ever fell in wrong hands-"

Jim was hit again by the level of trust he had gained indeed for Spock to share with him such valuable piece of information. But it gave him no solace, only even more dread.

"- and is not an imperative anyway as we found sufficient ways to deal with it. Clearly, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or, in this instance, the one."

Jim's heart had stopped beating by the sixth word of the last sentence - the only time Spock had served that line before had been when he had been ready to die in that volcano on Nibiru. And when it restarted, Jim was only rage: rage born out of despair, but rage born out of sheer will to overcome and fiercely determined, which had saved his life time and time again.

(pointing at Spock) "You and your infuriating self-sacrificing ideals! If you think I'm going to let you alone and risk… Well; not on my watch!"

"Captain, I remind you that any presence might entice me to free myself, and that my strength unchecked-"

"I owe my life to your strength, Spock. I refuse to ever fear it."

"Dr Mc Coy and-"

"Uhura played their part in it and I owe them too, I know. But if you hadn't been able to catch Khan that quickly, it would all have been a moot point anyway. (*AN) So like it or not, that's settled: I'm staying."

"NO!"

Jim fell suddenly silent; not because of the nearly snarling tone – which was on itself definitely something that had never happened before – but because Spock had actually moved both his arms in irritation for emphasis AND had even advanced one foot in his direction, a never witnessed before breach in his ever stoic half Vulcan's perfect mannerism. Damn; even when he had been strangling him he had been collected somehow! Yet now his hands were not only still fisted, they were trembling!

Spock worked on collecting himself while taking a step back: "Captain, I apolo-"

"Spock! I don't care about an apology! I'm just beyond worry about you!"

"Captain, please. You of all people should not be around when my fever hits." (AN2)

Indeed. And that was why precisely HE had to stay, huh.

Jim, they both knew, could get Spock to behave 'illogically', to use the Vulcan idiom – and, if it had to come to that, what would be biologically more illogical than mating with a male from a different species for reproduction purposes, right? Well, Jim was ready to face such a challenge if needed, you bet.

Jim had never lusted after a man, or any male in any species he had ever met. But this was  _Spock_. And if Spock's life was in the balance, well, you can be sure that Jim was more than willing. Viscerally willing. To tell the truth, given such a choice, the whole Enterprise's crew, Bones included, mind you - no matter (or thanks to?) the bickering around - would most probably agree to it too. But for Jim, it wasn't even a choice, he had realized suddenly : it was an elementary truth. Spock completed him in ways he simply couldn't be without now that he was aware of it, and he wasn't losing him over such a trivial thing as crazy Vulcan sex drive. Fuck. He had survived his father's loss, his mother's absence and his brother's abandon. He had survived Frank. He had survived bloody  _Tarsus_. And Nero. Thanks to his friends, he had even survived himself. He would survive whatever Spock's unchecked strength and/or hormonal urges might throw at him, right.  _Whatever_. Be it blows, or something else. Or both.

Come what may, even the worst… As long as Spock got out of his Time unscathed, it would be worth it.

Jim grinned. Not his trademark cheeky charming grin, nor the softer kind of grin he usually reserved for his First Officer. Jim grinned menacingly. "Well, you're 'incapacitated' at the moment, so as long as I stay safely out of nerve pinch range I guess you have no say in the matter anyway."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: 1) this is how i give sense to the 'why did they need khan's blood when they had 71 people at their disposition' turmoil: imo, because by the time that they would get someone else unfrozen jim's brain would be far too damaged to be restaured, and the same applies if they had to completely freeze jim then it would suffer too long while being frozen and then unfrozen before treatment. So they just kept jim realllllyyyyyyyy cold for a luckily quite short time and get khan and LALALA the magic works - yes the clouds are pink in my world. 2) at this point imo jim and spock never really discussed exactly how things went (because both aren't keen on talking long about traumtisms, huh) so jim thinks bones sent spock and uhura after khan; he doesn't know spock went wild and chased khan down even before bones thought it could restaure jim. Jim will of course learn the truth eventually 
> 
> AN2: I just love how this line means something to Spock (you're the one I want so you're just bait if staying here) and something else to Jim (I'm the one who always gets under his skin so I'm the only up to that job if it comes to that) and yet the two are both truths anyway (well, actually, Spock thinks also about what Jim is thinking, of course, but it's more like an extra problem correlated to the first than the real problem for him, but I hope you get what I mean). *sigh* Even when they misread each other, they're still right :) How could we NOT love them, huh...


	9. Chapter 9

**IX. SPOCK'S PLEA (SPOCK'S POV)**

All the red alerts sirens he had ever heard combined couldn't compare to the dread Spock was actually going through: Jim definitely intended to stay - and James T. Kirk only ever did what he wanted to do.

Moreover, even if such a thought should have been terrifying enough on its own, it yet still paled in comparison to the fact that there was  _challenge_ now clearly audible in Jim's tone under the fierce determination - and that Spock felt it run through his blood, making a part of him hum in delight! Spock was horrified, both by Jim's plan and obvious provocation and acceptance of whatever might come to pass; but even more: by his own reaction to it. Jim had to leave. HAD TO.

Spock knew his next words would be one of his last chances to change his Captain's mind, and he weighed all his options carefully.

/

The first arguments that came to his mind were, of course, logical ones.

The ancient texts were indeed worrying about his chances of survival (Spock would never tell this to Jim, but after his research he had calculated that 82.54% of the ones who were mentioned to have gone through their Time without finding a mate had died, and that the remaining 17.46% had suffered from several degrees of brain damage). But, as Jim himself had also exclaimed earlier, the old chronicles were indeed not necessarily an exact source - for example, Vulcans had used to believe it impossible to survive Pon Farr off Vulcan; yet no Vulcan had died during his Time since the installation on the New Colony.

Then, nowadays, those who had achieved Kolinahr were unaffected by the whole process of Pon Farr, which meant that the purging of all emotions was a way to escape the ancient drives; and even if Spock knew he was very, very far from reaching such a level of discipline, meditation and control of one's mind and body (which any contemporary Vulcan could perform, contrary to their pre-Surak ancestors who had no idea of it) should help tampeng them down.

And last, but not least, Spock was half human. And not only could he logically hope that he would be less affected by his Time than a full Vulcan, but, more importantly, he also knew that he was better armed to face his Plak Tow. Full Vulcans never contracted fever, except when going through their Time, and their bodies had troubles dealing with the rare temperature raise. But Spock knew for certain that his metabolism could trigger fever independently from Pon Farr and was quite used to the condition; and he knew which chemicals worked on his metabolism for successfully lowering it. His father's undeniably evident worry the first time his temperature had risen as a child had been his first and unforgettable clue of the former; and his mother's insistence for staying on Earth until he would have contracted ALL human child diseases had taught both his parents and him the latter.

(He had not at the time exactly appreciated to be either sick in bed for days or brought time and time again to any playground and sandbox in the area (he really had not been fond of the sandboxes – human toddlers always seemed to find destroying his complicated constructs before they were done more enjoyable than building their own; but he had not been able to notice with a hint of sadness that human children, unlike his Vulcan peers, had no real problem with differences – skin colors, to mention only the most obvious to the eye, didn't appear to matter, and he himself had been regularly approached by children curious about his ears, and been told that they were 'so cool'…) but he had by now grown truly grateful for this period of his life.)

So, Spock had a plan. And a sounded plan.

But Spock knew none of those arguments would change Jim's mind right now. Because Jim's choices were not always necessarily logical, especially when they involved life or death. They were first and foremost instinctive; and Jim's instincts were mostly emotional.

So, Spock's best options were 1) to find emotional arguments which would undermine Jim's certainty in the fact that his course of action was the right option, and 2) to shred some of his Vulcan walls and make clear to Jim, more than anything, that he had  _motivation_. Born not only out of survival instinct, but also because he had something to fight for. A place to get back to. Because this might be the language Jim might understand and consider to listen to…

/

"Captain, I understand that you want to help, and I am deeply grateful. But, just as you, as my friend, do not wish to see me harmed, you must realize that the last thing I want –  _as your friend_  – is to put you in danger - especially as  _I_  am the cause for danger."

Jim seemed ready to retaliate, so Spock quickly placated him.

"Besides, you have to see reason. In your current state, you would definitely not match my strength. And once free from your surveillance, who knows how many others I might come to harm, even in such a loosely populated area, if I was left to wander for days?"

To be honest, Spock really doubted he would ever be tempted to leave Jim's intoxicating presence, if it came to that. He was not lying though using this argument: statistically, the odds he might leave the cave did exponentially increase… if Jim was to die. This was Spock's worst fear, and no matter how horrendous the idea was, it was tangible and was not to be discarded - and was the reason Jim definitely had to leave. And as the sense of  _responsibility_  towards others was generally one of the most influential weights in Jim's decision-making's balance, Spock couldn't not press at it at the moment when it might successfully serve his cause.

Jim infinitesimally flinched, and Spock knew he had struck the right nerve and pushed his point, his voice uncontrollably turning oddly more decisive yet more begging the further he talked:

"I assure you, what you propose is not only hazardous, it is also counterproductive; whereas my course of action is the safest for all, including me, because I could never forgive myself if I was to harm you in any way - especially as I firmly believe it unnecessary for you to take risks to begin with while I cautiously prepared for facing my Time on my own.

You are wrong to think of me as suicidal (Spock couldn't use 'self-sacrificial' without lying, because he would be, especially if someone else's life was in the balance, and even more if that someone was Jim (also, how could Jim use this against Spock - after his own actions?); but he sure wasn't suicidal, right). I will fight this with all I have. After all,  _you_  taught me to refuse no-win scenarios. So you must trust me on this, Captain: I do intend to get back to our ship."

Spock paused, having reached the core of his plea. Jim's eyes seemed to soften, and Spock knew Jim had  _heard_  him, at least. So he begged with all he had, his eyes boring into Jim's:

"But I will need all my focus and energy, so you must understand that any presence would only act as an interference, and that, to actually help me, you  _do_  have to leave me alone."

And then, thinking about how he would feel if the situation was reversed, Spock got an idea of what might finally appease Jim enough for him to leave, and finished in a tone both serious and soothing:

"I realize though that with the knowledge you gained during our conversation you need for the sake of your peace of mind to monitor my condition somehow, and I agree to any kind of surveillance you might deem necessary - as long as you are physically a mile away from me by the time my Plak Tow hits."

Silence fell, and the longer Jim stayed silent the more confident Spock became, until, tentatively, he asked for confirmation:

"Captain, do we have an agreement?"


	10. Chapter 10

**X. THE PLAN (JIM'S POV)**

The near-desperate, honest pleading and the palpable worry caused by his eventual presence got to Jim much more than the previous anger. And the possibility of monitoring Spock's condition won over his last reticence. This was a Vulcan matter after all, and so, whether he liked it or not, Spock was, of the two of them, probably the better judge on how to proceed. Besides, Spock had asked him to trust him; and how could Jim refuse this…

"I'm installing video surveillance. And monitoring your heart beats and brain waves." This was non-negotiable.

"Agreed."

"You do realize it means I'm coming in the moment I see something I do not like, right?"

"I do. And I see it as an extra incentive to make sure you do not get to see anything which compels you to come in."

"Good. Also, (pointing to the freezing unit and the bath in their surroundings) you have to explain your plan, so that I recognize its steps while monitoring your condition."

"Well, I estimate my Plak Tow will hit in about 9 Terran hours. So, first, I intend to rest for a few hours. Then I will meditate and focus on monitoring my heart rate to accelerate the beginning of my Plak Tow, so that I have still as much energy possible to fight it instead of being drained out when it finally starts. Then I will work on slowing my vitals down in order to slow both the diffusion of the hormones and the further production of more of them. I will also drink as much water as possible in order to avoid severe dehydration later on, and ingest some chemicals which I know from experience do work on my system to help fight fever. I estimate I might be able to pass half of my Fever this way, hopefully longer. When my control will turn out too compromised, I will use my last moments of clarity to take another medicine shot, to drink some more –

(chocolate milk this time actually - as sugar acted on Vulcans in a way similar to alcohol on Humans - in the hope that, as he would by then already exhausted, it might numb any resilient clarity enough so that his brain would not be much cooperative in finding a way to break off his restraints should his body will it when his control dissolved – but Spock deemed it better to keep this detail to himself, in case Jim was aware of the effects of sugar on Vulcan metabolism. Besides, there was really no point in eventually worrying Jim about it as he had tested how much he could support without getting sick or on the brink of his control in the past, when he had first sorted out how he could best face his Time if it ever came)

\- and to fill the bath with ice, so that it may help regulate my temperature while I am unable to. The bath is open as you can see, so that I will not drown as the ice melts, because I expect to be unconscious for the end of it - the shorter the better, of course, which again is the reason why it is imperative that I am on my own throughout the first phase of my Plak Tow, to prolong the meditative trance as much as possible."

Jim didn't like that plan much: he definitely had troubles with the seemingly inevitable getting unconscious part. He truly understood though the logic of the necessity for initial isolation, and had to let Spock follow his plan. At least for phase one; he could always decide to intervene later on after all...

"Ok. I'll go. And I swear I'll hold on from interfering for as long as possible. But do not forget that I intend to come back if I deem it necessary. And I warn you. The deal is off the moment you break free - no matter how out of yourself you may be - or the moment your vitals get in the red; so ensure neither occurs."

"I accept your terms, Captain. Be sure though if it come to that to come in with your phaser ready at heavy stun as a minimum."

"Spo-"

"I am entrusting both my present and future sanity to you, Captain; please do not treat this too lightly."

Jim was at a loss for words, realizing again the stupendous amount of trust Spock placed in him indeed, and finally relented. "Heavy stun, noted."

"Also, you should take with you the keys for my chains, making it impossible for me to try to get to them knowing that they will not be within reach anyway. I threw them in that corner on the left, you will find them easily while installing surveillance."

"Ok."

Jim took his communicator out. He had pushed twice since having been transported down the 'ok' button, but he knew it was by now time to actually contact the others if he didn't want someone to beam down and check on him. Besides, he had lots to prepare: nine hours, maybe less; and Spock would more than probably insist that he left even earlier - time to get started then, and quick...

Jim was about to make the call when his mind went back to Spock's first words about his plan, and he had to clear a last point first. "But you  _do_  rest before it starts."

"Of course. As I told you, it was part of my planning anyway, and I was working towards it when you arrived."

"Spock. By rest I mean  _actual sleep_ , not the whatever-you-call-it Vulcan trick you were busy with when I came in. I'll call Bones, he'll arrange for some hypo's-"

"Captain, (pointing to some hypo's in a tiny bag on the floor behind him that Jim hadn't noticed) _I_  brought sleeping hypo's. Actually, I would by now be already asleep if you hadn't appeared."

"Ok. (pause) So why weren't you?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You were not about to hypo yourself when I got here."

...

_AN: I let you imagine how Jim will react in the future when he learns about the sugar thing and remembers about what he will then no doubt see as an attempt to sort of risk ethylic coma … :)_


	11. Chapter 11

 

_Warning? Here comes one of the most difficult things I ever wrote. I hope I succeeded in keeping both the seriousness (because it is a life or death situation, right!) and the fluff (because I live for the fluff) alive despite the silliness of it all (because let's be honest the whole Pon Farr thing is quite silly). I hope too that the fragmented effects will not make it hard to follow - it felt fitting to me because of all the flashes waves Jim gets in his mind, but I want what I write to stay readable, huh… So feel free to laugh (I know I do) because it is ridicule here and there, but let me know what works and what doesn't?)_

.

**XI. THE WEIRDEST PART IN AN ALREADY PRETTY WEIRD STORY (JIM'S POV)**

"You were  _not_ about to hypo yourself when I got here."

"I was."

Jim gave Spock his best 'bullshit' gaze and Spock relented.

"But in order to ensure the hypo's chemicals would work at their maximum and lengthen as much as possible my period of sleep, I first needed to temper an expected yet new side effect of my current condition."

It took Jim two seconds to decode it all, and another two at least to react, because he wasn't sure how to react… He didn't want to embarrass them both for nothing if he was wrong, but remembering how sort of 'gone' Spock had first appeared only made the whole thing more plausible, and Jim really had to know if he was right… Oh Gosh, this was weird…

Not weird because Jim had to reconsider stuff he had taken for granted, mind you. Spock had said 'new'; and it would be in fact quite logical if Vulcans were 'late bloomers' compared to humans – they lived more than twice longer after all, right… So even though Jim (without actually giving it a thought, of course) had always just believed that Spock was indeed sexually active already (there was no way nothing ever happened in the bedroom between his First and Uhura; not with the way she glowed on some early shifts), it wasn't a difficult task to re-adapt his views according to that new parameter.

(What WAS actually shocking though was that it would mean that Uhura had allowed not only *someone* but a bloody Vulcan with a bloody eidetic memory and in full possession of his bloody mental capacities while actually unaffected by the whole bloody thing, to witness her O'condition, multiple times; and the amount of trust this implied was to Jim simply dumbfounding – and he couldn't decide if he was more kind of envious or totally petrified by the idea. Uhura's bravery had always been a given, but it still kept reaching new heights...) (*AN 1)

No. The whole thing was simply weird because it  _really_  wasn't the kind of conversation you ever expected to ever have with your co-worker, especially if Vulcan, huh…

But Jim HAD to know.

Because if Spock meant what Jim believed he meant… And if a Vulcan's first instinct when getting hard was to  _meditate_ (no wonder by the way then that they had to get actually out of their minds in order to reproduce!)… Then this whole worrying situation should finally turn out hopeful!

Jim eyed Spock's form for a hint that he had understood it all right but – damn those Vulcans robes – wasn't getting any, and finally decided he just had to risk his thoughts aloud.

"Spock, we already agreed that this conversation never happened to start with anyway, so I apologize if I'm crossing a line but I really need to know… Do you mean you were (cough) hard (cough) *there* ?"

Spock must have been expecting the question because he answered without hesitation: "Affirmative".

"OOOOkayyyyyy… And that's why you were kind of meditating?"

"Affirmative."

"And has the situation disappeared by now?"

Spock turned this time somewhat greener: "Negative".

Damn. They had been talking life or death stuff and personal stuff and probably embarrassing stuff for like ages by now, and it hadn't killed Spock's mood ? (*AN 2)

But Jim felt like giving himself a high five - he was definitely on the right track with his new idea !

"All right. Spock, please just hear me out before objecting. I think this current situation of yours could be in fact helpful. If your body has already started producing reproductive cells in order to have more than enough of them by the time your Plak Tow hits, then it means that you can start right now to control their pressure when it hits. And I think the lesser the pressure, the bigger the chance that you stay in control of yourself longer, or that your fever doesn't get too extremely high, right?"

"It doesn't sound illogical."

"Indeed." So Jim soldiered on and simply dropped his bomb. "Which is why I think you should deal with your 'problem' the human way, you know…"

Spock only seemed puzzled… so Jim tried to sound nothing but practical as he had to explain: "You should touch yourself?"

Spock actually blanched; and Jim tried to put himself in a post-Nero Vulcan's shoes while pushing his point.

"I know, it probably sounds like a waste of limited and useful cells, or just like a silly, gross thing to do, or both, but in your situation it is your best shot at limiting the consequences of your Plak Tow, and both as your Captain and as your friend I simply want you to take that opportunity - like it or not. We're talking about your life, Spock - at least about your brain, you said so - so please just take a minute to think it through before saying no. You're good at prioritizing after all, right?"

Spock didn't like the idea, it was obvious. But he had come to the only conclusion possible too apparently, because he only asked, kind of guilty : "But what if I can't?"

"You can Spock. (Anyway, he HAD to, right.) Trust me, in such a condition for so long, anyone can. Besides, you're half human. If only one Vulcan should be able to, it would be you. Just give it a go and- Look, it works differently for everybody, so I'm not gonna tell you how you should do it, but just start and see how it goes, all right? See it as a new experience you have to analyze, or think of anything but what you are doing, it doesn't matter, as long as you do it, ok? I have to call the guys anyway and have them send lots of stuff and all, so I won't be around for quite some time and it should be plenty time enough for what you have to do. Just… Do it Spock, please. Or consider it an order and blame me for it for the rest of your life, I don't care - as long as you do it."

There was a long silence. And then : "I shall try."

"And it will work." Jim felt like clapping a hand on Spock's shoulder in reassurance, but stopped himself midway, realizing now wasn't a time for physical contact. Spock must have had sensed it too and had taken an (unnecessary in the end) step backwards, which had actually pained Jim somehow nonetheless, because Spock was by now quite accustomed to his tactility (he must have noticed that Jim WAS tactile, with everyone, and that he actually really tried to refrain his instincts when communicating with him, and that Jim at least NEVER actually touched his skin (a good thing Vulcan body temperature implied long sleeves about all the time by the way).

"It will work Spock." Jim repeated instead, with all the fervor he could. And then he turned to leave.

Two steps later he turned one more time though, adding : "And if you feel like thinking of Nyota, it's all right. Believe me, she wouldn't mind. She would even be honored to help saving your life."

Then, having said all he thought he could say to help Spock about this, he quickly left. He had tons of preparations to make, right, and needed to focus on them.

.

_AN 1: This is to me the biggest difference between TOS Jim and AOS Jim. TOS Jim definitely knows how to use his charms and uses them time and time again - always to save the day, mind you - but he is in fact quite shy (remember the whole 'bookish weirdo who needed help from a friend to get his first girlfriend whom he actually expected to marry by the way' theme, and the fact that it took those two idiots (Jim and Spock) like 200 years to actually figure out that they did fit together…) and he always actually CARES for the few he actually falls for - be it his first girlfriend or an admirable woman from the past or a robot, for Christ's sake (or a silly Vulcan of course, but, as I just said, that comes like 200 years later). Whereas AOS Jim is like the king of the one-night stands. (Not that he uses the ones he beds - I see it more like a 'win-win' situation for both parties who simply genuinely agree to 'have fun' or whatever). Yet the two still are the same somehow, because AOS Jim IMO never lets himself fall in fact (in order not to get abandoned/hurt later on obviously because of everything from his past - and now I need a tissue because BABY!) – in his eyes it's ok to share your O'face with someone who is too far gone too to really notice it or who is sort of bound to secrecy because you know her/his O'face too anyway; but it's another to willingly let yourself be that vulnerable and to actually trust someone with such an intimate knowledge of yourself, and the idea alone terrifies him…_

_AN 2: Of course it hasn't, Jim, when you are RIGHT HERE and that Spock sees you and hears you and smells you and – why do you think Spock is turning THAT green, huh? Well, newsflash, it's more from guilt than from embarrassment, ok ?_


	12. Chapter 12

**XII. GRAVITY (SPOCK'S POV)**

Spock listened to Jim's footsteps until they faded away. Then he analyzed once more his situation and came to the same conclusion : Jim's idea might indeed have a positive effect and was thus worth attempting.

It felt weird to touch himself *there* with a new intent, and there was nothing especially satisfactory about it either. But he had promised to see it through, so he went on.

He had just let Jim down, somehow. He would not do it twice in a row.

He believed Jim had understood that contact a moment ago would have been inappropriate. Yet, there had been a flash of sadness at being rejected in Jim's eyes – which had torn at Spock even more than having forced himself to retreat from a warmth he had not only grown accustomed to but had also come to relish upon, when all he ever wanted was to bask in it.

Because Jim was like light in the darkness and warmth on a frozen desert; his heart (one of the bravest and kindest Spock had ever met) and his soul (who yearned to discover and understand, like Spock's own) shining through his eyes and smile and touch, inviting and burning bright as a beacon Spock was simply drawn to, like the gravity pull from a sun.

Light. Warmth. Las'hark. Jim.

Spock suddenly realized he had just achieved what he had been supposed to.

He felt mortified though to have been thinking about Jim while doing it, no matter the fact that Jim had said that it would be acceptable to think of someone, and quickly hypo'ed himself before he would have to be in Jim's presence with such a knowledge. He might even have hoped before falling asleep that his soon to come Fever might erase this particular moment from his memory...


	13. Chapter 13

**XIII. CALLING THE DOC(K) - (JIM'S POV)**

Jim called Scotty first, told him he had found Spock but that they couldn't get back for the coming days, and arranged for the material he needed to be beamed down as fast as possible. Then, he called Bones – who had beeped him thrice in the last ten minutes, having probably just came back to the hospital and discovered he was missing.

"Where the hell are you?"

"Bones, I'm fine – at least as fine as I can be in my current condition. Besides, it's not me you should worry about, it's Spock."

"Spock? What about him?"

"I can't explain, it's a Vulcan thing; I promised him. But I promise you that the first thing we'll do when we get back in a few days is letting you run a full check on us both."

"Days? Where the hell are you? I should-"

"No Bones. I'll keep in touch in between, and if things are not going as they should I'll call for your help, but for now, we're on our own."

"I don't like that plan."

"I know. And you're gonna like it even less in a few seconds but … I need your help, Leo."

Jim heard Bones's sharp intake of breath and knew he hadn't missed the importance the very rare use of his (shortened) actual name implied.

"What do you need, exactly?"

"I'm going to have to monitor Spock's vitals for the coming days, so I need you to give me directions about their danger zones and the lines I shouldn't let him cross."

"Jim, that's pretty hard to judge from afar. Hell, it's even hard to judge when he's right under my eyes – with his unique physiology... Besides, even if if Spock is no regular Vulcan, he is mostly Vulcan. I'll need to consult first with M'Benga."

"I understand, but please play it as a theorical issue you thought about, because honestly, I don't think even M'Benga knows about what Spock is going through - it's like the ultimate Vulcan secret, and Spock was adamant that it should stay that way. Remember if he had had it his way, he would have been on his own, for better or for worse; it's just luck I got involved. But you know his physiology better than anyone, Bones. You're the one I trust."

"All right. What can you tell me - I need to know what to look for."

"He's gonna have a hell of a fever."

"But"

"I know, Vulcans do not get fever. I told you, it's all hush hush. But Spock brought hypo's he prepared himself, so he knows what to use, you don't have to work on that. I just need to know what the critical lines are, and guidance if necessary to keep him out of them."

"Ok, I'm on it."

"Good. Also, I'm gonna need chemical help for myself, Bones. I have to stay as much awake as possible for about three days-"

"Jim!"

"-at least two - I guess I could doze here and there on the first day - but as you know I'm not in the best of shape to start with. So prepare some hypo's and have Scotty pass them on when you're done – and don't bother trying to get him to get you here along them, I send Starfleet a note to authorize only inanimate beamings until further notice, and they've just confirmed its reception."

"You-"

"Also, I'm counting on you on the last day to check if I'm awake every 30 minutes, and to call until I answer if I'm not responding."

"I'm a Doctor, Jim; not an alarm clock."

"Please. You can keep me in a biobed afterwards for as long as you deem necessary, I won't complain. But for now, just help me help Spock."

There was the usual silence as Bones realized nothing he said or did would ever change Jim's mind anyway, and that time should be better used than in arguing then. And so, he simply answered : "All right, kid."

"Thanks, Bones" - the amount of his gratitude evident in his tone.

And Jim hung up.

.

_AN: And can we give a thumb up to Bones, who always has to invent and test new ways to treat Spock with his unique physiology ? Damn good Doctor indeed (not an elevator, or a bricklayer, or anything else huh :))_


	14. Chapter 14

**XIV. AS READY AS ONE CAN BE (JIM'S POV)**

While he waited for the materials, Jim circled his surroundings, trying to locate a good place to spend the coming days. He had no doubts that Spock had already chosen the best spot for himself, but he needed a place to keep himself and his equipment out of danger and weather hazards, and he couldn't ask Spock to point it to one as Spock had made it clear that he shouldn't know where Jim would be.

Twenty minutes in, Jim saw a place he judged amenable. He called Scotty again, adding a small tent that would fit in the crack (it was not deep enough to be called a cave) he had found to the list of what he needed. Scotty told him he had been about to call him to tell that the audio video and medical equipments were ready, so Jim went back to the 'landing' spot, called Scotty to let him know he had arrived, and received them.

Forty five minutes had passed since he had left the cave, so Jim deemed it long enough to go check on Spock again. There was no noise when he got down the ladder, so he risked a glance, saw that Spock was lying still as he had hoped, and quietly got near him for a closer look.

Jim had never seen Spock asleep – flat on his back, limbs perfectly aligned and still, hands crossed on his chest - and he couldn't help but find it a bit disturbing, because no one slept like that – except humans in their coffin. It made sense though, of course, and Jim after the initial reaction realized with a head-shake that he actually found it sweet – it was very, very 'Spockian'. And right now, also, luckily quite practical.

Spock's breathing was calm and Jim couldn't see any 'sign' about the mission he had given Spock not being accomplished, so Jim for the first time since he had beamed down felt somehow reassured. Things weren't safe enough for his likings, but his theory had been proved not only helpful but 'do-able', at least. He had given Spock an extra weapon to face his ordeal.

For the time being thus 'satisfied' enough about Spock's condition, Jim lost no time in installing the surveillance. Knowing what was more than probable, Jim chose places for the cameras that gave him a good enough view of every corner of the cave while giving Spock as much privacy as possible. He hesitated a minute about the audio, but decided he should install it too – what if Spock called for him? ; he could always cut it off.

He found the keys and took them, as asked.

He went back to Spock - who hadn't move a muscle yet in his sleep - but noticed a bulge this time where there had been none half an hour before, and hoped Spock would nevertheless be able to sleep some more. But he knew Spock wouldn't probably appreciate him being still around when he awoke, so Jim decided to just leave Spock a note on his way out, next to the medical equipment he knew Spock was more than able to manage on his own.

After the non stop moving around he had just been though, Jim felt cold when he sat down – the air was quite damp (it was a cave after all) – and judging it better not to add a cold to his already bad enough shape, he wrapped a blanket around him while writing his message. It was a thin blanket, so he judged it safe enough to cover Spock with it before leaving - the extra warmth (but not overly extra) might keep him asleep a while longer... and Spock would be covered in case he felt inclined to 'deal with a problem' the instant he awoke (because The Bulge hadn't disappeared in the time it took Jim to write the note, on the contrary).

The surveillance system (linked to a tiny monitor on his left wrist) was working fine at the distance he had planned to make his camp - as expected, but still good to see confirmed - so Jim worked further on his shelter, flatting the ground and adding branches for extra cover. Scotty called, telling he had the rest ready for transport. Jim went to receive the tent and Bones's charts (about Spock) and hypo's (for himself) and finished his preparations. He quickly installed the tent and set up the larger monitors for a better view (Spock was still asleep, by the way). Then he worked on 'upgrading' the alert system on the medical surveillance he wore on his right wrist to ensure not only beeping but also pricking of his skin will occur – his worst fear was to fall asleep at the wrong time, in the shape he was in... He called Bones, checking he understood the charts well and setting the norms in the medical system.

Four hours had passed already. But Jim felt tired, really, and if he had to get some sleep the sooner would be the wiser. Besides, he had mentioned to Spock he planned on sleeping too. So Jim set his alarm for three hours later (it gave him still a margin with the time Spock had given as expected begin time for his Fever) and let his eyes fall shut.


	15. Chapter 15

**XV. AND SO, IT BEGINS (ALTERNATING SPOCK/JIM'S POV)**

The first thing he felt when he awoke was disorientation: for the first time ever, Spock had truly no clue about what time it was. And honestly, as it dawned on him, Spock felt fear.

Then, as further awareness came, he remembered it was just a logical consequence of his current situation. And he realized that current said situation was right now somehow painful. There was pressure; much more unyielding and demanding than by its first appearance.

At the same moment, his awareness of his surroundings kicked in: Jim. There was Jim's scent all around him and this combined to his still groggy state combined to his current situation quickly led to a repeat of what had happened just before he had hypo'ed himself to sleep.

Spock felt guilty, again, but resigned himself to the inescapable logic of it all. There was no use to fight it. He had promised Jim to fight his Time with everything he had. Jim's theory about what he should do in his situation was valid, so he should follow his advice. And as his body clearly longed for him and no one else, that he thought of Jim at such a time was then simply inevitable. More importantly, no matter how wrong it felt to have Jim in his head, his other option – to have to deal with Jim coming around in reality – was beyond doubt worse. Spock would do anything to keep Jim away from him from the time being - accepting the Jim in his head included. What was was. Kaiidth.

After his release though, Spock felt (thankfully) more in balance. He also realized that he had rested for longer than he had expected. Both facts were signs that 'the human way', as unnatural as it might feel, had indeed a positive counter effect on his Pon Farr. He should definitely mention this to the elders.

Spock saw the medical equipment and went to connect it correctly – there was no point in tampering with it, as it would just be an invitation for Jim to come rectify their positions.

Jim had left a note :

"Just to let you know that I've successfully installed the surveillance. For now there's video and sound, but if you have a problem with it, place your bags at your left and I'll cut the sound off. (I'm going to get some sleep too, so I might not respond if you try to speak to me, and afterwards you'll be meditating, so I thought it practical to make 'a code'…)

I'd rather stay with you; but you're adamant that I'm actually helping you more by staying away, and I trust you. But remember I'm watching, and coming around if  _I_  deem it necessary. I'm not willing to lose the best First officer in the fleet (not my words; Starfleet's: so there's no point in mentioning that I never got any other to compare with – besides, I do not want any other.) And I'm surely not willing to lose  _you_. So just do whatever you have to do to come back to us. Or I'll come and fetch you, no matter what it takes."

Spock read it thrice before folding it in his bag for safekeeping - a peculiarity he couldn't help but notice, but didn't feel like correcting any way.

He hesitated a moment but finally placed his bags at his left – not that he didn't trust Jim about respecting his privacy as much as possible; but because he didn't trust himself not to possibly call out to Jim when his control would fade...

Then he went to eat and drink, and finally sat down to meditate. He realized though when he focused on his temperature that his Fever had in fact already started (which was sooner than he had expected but which was a good thing in fact, as he had just rested and sustained himself – he wouldn't have to waste energy on getting things started and could right away focus on slowing down his metabolism), so he set his countdown clock on and took a first shot of his own prepared medication before looking further inwards.

He wrapped himself in his Jim's scented blanket – he felt calmer with it, and what he had to do was not truly meditation anyway (it had nothing to do about trying to find any inner peace and strength - right now, he probably had none to start with).

It was simply damage control.

Focus on his respiration, his pulse, and his hormones' levels judging from the tension in his groin. Constantly readjust these factors in order to keep his Fever in check. Release himself whenever the balance was about to tilt to the wrong side. Rehydrate himself. Shot himself some medicine. Take a look at his clock.

Start over.

Repeat.

On and on.

The level and length of concentration it required was honestly exhausting. But he would succeed.

He would.

48 hours left.

He would.

/

Jim woke up in pain. He disregarded it quickly, his eyes searching for the screens.

Spock had awoken.

He was already meditating, as planned for 'the first phase'. He had placed the bags at his left, so Jim cut the sound off - telling himself again and again that it was not a mark of mistrust, just a very comprehensible need for privacy, right.

Jim ate and drank some, then started keeping a time table of Spock's actions and Spock's vitals – it could be helpful to Spock, to plan for his next Time (because there would be a next time; Jim simply refused to consider any other alternative). Jim also chose to keep Scotty and Bones regularly informed – making thus sure none of them would come around.

For now, Spock seemed to do quite well - his temperature was more than high enough to be a fever, but it was barely rising. He was obviously deep in thoughts, and very still, sitting cross legged, hands on his knees, eyes closed.

So it was first a shock, one hour later, to see Spock's hand suddenly move.

Where it was heading got quickly very clear though, and Jim turned his head for about 15 minutes, noting the occurrence with a "X" on his charts. And when Jim took a glance back at the screen, Spock was back to 'normal'.

It seemed Spock was following a two hours cycle, so Jim decided to gain more sleep in between, planning several times a 30/45 minutes nap.

The cycles though were getting shorter and shorter as time went by, and even though Spock's temperature kept constant and his vitals and calm appearance barely changed, Jim could see that it was getting gradually harder to keep it in check: the "X"'s appeared by now about every hour.

And there were still 33 hours to go...

If given a choice, Jim would have trade his place for Spock's. This 'wait and watch' was stressing and draining - it was difficult to accept there was nothing more he could do for Spock. Jim guessed he might listen to Bones next time he insisted he took a rest... if only for the sake of Bones' peace of mind.


	16. Chapter 16

**XVI. FADE TO BLACK (SPOCK'S POV)**

Spock realized he could no longer keep everything in check on his own. He had to achieve release (there was nothing satisfactory about it, it was pure necessity) 2.645 times an hour, and he lost more energy because of it than the temporary peace of mind he gained thanks to it. The balance was lost. Time to change tactics.

After all, he had been able to prolong 'phase 1' for longer than he had thought possible (thanks to Jim's idea, obviously). It was time for 'phase 2'.

It was actually the part that worried him the most, but it would be unwise to push his body and his mind to their limits when he still had about 18 hours of Fever to face - his strength was definitely fading, so he should act now, before it would be too late.

Spock took a deep breath and got up. He went to the freezing unit and emptied all the ice in the bathtub. He actually needed 3 trips to carry it all (instead of the one he had easily managed during his preparations), and he felt his temperature quickly rising now that he had to focus on something else, even for such a short while.

When all the ice was in the bathtub, Spock took the pack of chocolate milk, placed it on the floor by the tub, and disrobed (he had made a few 'adaptations' to his robe to be able to take it off even while chained. (AN: of course he's wearing swim pants underneath, huh!). He took some time to acclimate himself a minimum – the last thing he needed was to get a thermic shock - and then, no matter how much he instinctively recoiled from what he was about to do (after all, Vulcans were known for their dislike of cold and/or wet), he went to sit in the bath : it was simply the logical thing to do to keep his temperature down, as cold water carried heat away from the body at least 25 times faster than air.

Ice came up to his shoulders, and he couldn't help but shiver from the temperature difference for a moment. In order not to alarm Jim though by shaking too much, he put himself in a foetus position sort-like, arms around his knees, fingers digging hard in his skin, and waited for it to pass, knowing that his Vulcan body could efficiently deal with it anyway. (*AN)

And pass it did. He felt his temperature stabilizing again at least (if not lowering yet), without having to control it himself, which felt like a blessing because his mind would have been by now definitely unable to do it on its own – as he realized with a hint of panic that he couldn't even calculate how long it would most probably take for the ice around him to melt !

But Spock decided he shouldn't lose energy on things he couldn't control anymore anyway, and used his last strength to force himself to lay down to maximize the cooling-down effect of the ice.

The positive effects were undeniable – his Fever was in check, and he couldn't feel the tension in his groins anymore. But honestly, it was horrible. His nerve endings were even more sensitive during Pon Farr than their already very sensitive standards, and Spock felt literally stabbed by the cold. He couldn't feel the tension in his groin simply because he was a ball of tension  _everywhere_. Add to it the headache caused both by his non stop focusing for more than 2 days and his Fever, the strain in his muscles from holding as still as possible, the level of physical and mental fatigue he was in – Spock could hardly believe he had not passed out already.

He knew though what made the improbable possible: Jim.

Jim kept him up. Because Spock really, really, wanted to see Jim. But, no matter what the tintling in his fingers and the burning of his skin wished, he didn't want to see him now. Not now. Definitely not now.

Spock had to protect Jim. He had to protect Jim from himself. And that was the thought that kept Spock conscious still no matter what – pure fear. Dreading what might occur if Jim had to come around because he had passed out made it impossible to surrender and let go.

So Spock endured it all, winning second after second after second after second after second, thinking of Jim and nothing else. Because Jim's eyes were worth the black behind his forcefully closed eyelids. Jim's smile was worth the painful clenching of jaws. Jim's touch was worth the cuts his own fisted fingers made on his skin. Jim's voice was worth of any of his suppressed screams. Jim.

Jim.

Then, something Spock hadn't planned for happened.

And Spock this time couldn't help but sit up and shout, bringing his hands to his head and squeezing in vain to make the ringing in his ears stop, hicking up desperately for air as he realized he couldn't breathe...

It felt as if his brains were splitting. And Spock knew.

He was calling.

His mind couldn't overlook anymore the fact that he was desperately alone, physically, and was searching to compensate for a bond. For a particular bond that should be there. And it couldn't find it, so it searched and searched and searched, deeper and deeper and deeper, cutting-like through his tissues until in despair it pulled at the only string available - his link to his Father - again and again and again, until it crossed the galaxies.

"Spock!"

Surprise and fear and concern and fear through the bond. The only thing that Spock used his last stregth focusing on though was the time. He felt what time it was through his Father's conscience and felt relief. His Time was nearly over. He had done it. And Jim was safe. Kaiidth.

"Spock! You have to breathe!"

.

_AN : Here we go – crazy theory about Vulcan physiology. They're a desert species, huh, so I went with LEZARDS :) Those prefer (and need) warmth, obviously, but some species can easily survive extreme cold too, freezing themselves for up to three days or producing anti-freeze in their blood (or both! google " **Lacerta vivipara"** , you'll be amazed (the things we learn/discover while writing fics huh:))). So yeah I know the Vulcan official temperature is about 33C/91F, but it might be because it has always been tested when it was warm anyway, and do not forget that they can after all control a lot of things about their bodies, so why shouldn't they have agreed upon a standard temperature. They are after all quite secretive by nature, and clever - and if you have sort of a superpower and that it is not necessary to let it be known by the whole universe, then why would you, right ? So I don't think they are truly cold-blooded (they can move even when cold, unlike cold blooded animals), but imo they do not need to keep a constant temperature (which also fit with the fact that they need to eat and drink far less than us by the way), and their metabolism can function just as well at a core temperature from 15C to 40C. Below 15 they start to slow down, and below 8 they start to produce anti freeze. Above 40C is rare (which is why they are known not to get feverish), and above 43C has only ever been recorded (by Vulcans of course, not by outworlder's) during Pon Farr. Anyone with me ?_


	17. Chapter 17

**XVII. JIM TO THE RESCUE ! (JIM'S POV)**

"He's still in the ice?"

"Yes."

"You sure he's conscious?"

It was probably the hundredth time Bones asked him that question.

"Yes, Bones."

Jim didn't even need to chech Spock's brain activity. He could see blood dripping from where Spock still held his fists tight – not that he would say this to Bones – and his lips were moving...

"Temperature still rising?"

"It's stabilizing, finally. It hasn't changed for thirty minutes now. 44.7C."

"Good. Not that I understand any of it because I never heard of any warm blooded species able to support such a high raise, ratio like, but if it's stabilizing it must be good."

Jim definitely didn't like how much in the dark they all were about Spock's particuliar physiology. It was not the first time Bones hinted that it was a miracle that Spock was still alive, to put it bluntly, and Jim dreaded that lack of actual knowledge might turn out actually disastrous one day. He was definitely going to ask Spock to let Bones run multiple tests later on. Spock wouldn't like the idea, but Jim wouldn't let him a choice. Besides, it wouldn't be betraying Vulcan stuff after all - Spock was an unicum (with a dubbel, all right); his values couldn't be generalized to standard Vulcans. And anyway, they could trust Bones to keep whatever he would find out for himself...

"Heart rate?"

"Quicker than it ever got but still far from the danger zone you gave me."

"Hormones levels?"

"Still the same as the one I send you last."

"Still a mess, you mean. But again, if it's not changing then it's not turning worse. How long still?"

"From what he told me, about six hours?"

Jim hypo'd himself with another injection. Bones apparently heard it: "Are  _you_  okay, kid?"

"I'm still better than  _he_  is, Bones. Call me back in 30' if I haven't contacted you."

Watching Spock felt surreal. Apart from his lips who appeared to mumble a few words from time to time, he was as still as a statue. Hours lying in icy water. Hours of clenched fists never getting lose. The level of control and muscle it must require was dumbfounding.

Spock's temperature had started going down, thankfully. But Bones was much more worried now about his hormone levels, especially adrenalin and cortisol. He was working on a hypo to bring them back down.

And that's when everything changed.

Spock sat up suddenly, bringing his hands to his head, as if in pain. Every sensor started to beep – heart rate too high, hormone imbalance in the red, brain waves underbroken.

Jim was going to call Bones when he noticed something and paused. Spock's brain activity was different than what he had seen until then. It seemed to emane from a different part of Spock's brain, and Jim understood Spock's instinct was taking over Spock's control. Spock wasn't in rage though (yet?), he was in pain. Holding his head. Jim wondered if it had something to do with Spock's missing bond(s). And so, he ran.

.

(texting Bones on the way about hurrying up with the hypo indeed too.)

_._

_***FANGIRLY HAPPY SCREAM : GO, JIM, GO !:)*** _


	18. Chapter 18

**XVIII. (NOT) DEAD WEIGHT (JIM'S POV)**

Jim opened the trapdoor and heard  _nothing,_ which only felt extra dreadful. He made his way down the wiry ladder as fast as he could and, as promised, took his phaser out (already set on heavy stun 2 days ago) and ran through the underground corridor.

The sight that greeted him when he reached the cave made his blood run cold: Spock was half hunched over the bath, arms dangling to the ground, obviously passed out. Jim knew though from his still beeping heart rate instrument on his watch that he was alive, and so focused on not losing time worrying while there was so much to DO.

Jim quickly made his way to the bath, and gave his first attention to the ice. It had nearly completely melted, and Jim knew what he should do – Spock's temperature was again climbing, and Jim  _should_  work on stabilizing it back at least if not bringing it down. There was only about an hour left, theoretically, but what if it went on longer – and what if the Fever kept climbing as fast as it was now 'till the end ?

Jim's plan was simple : he had to get Spock out of the bath, lay him on the mat, place some ice on strategical places on his body, and put the remaining ice as quickly as possible in the freezing unit, and water too, to ensure he would have enough ice still for later use.

Jim straightened Spock back up in order to pull him out of the bath and couldn't help but cringe at the sight of the many still-green-oozing cuts Spock had made on his hands, arms and legs. They were not dangerous, Jim knew, of course, but they spoke of Spock's inner fight to hold still; and it was simply the first time ever Jim was actually seeing Spock bleeding (he had seen him bruised; but never bleeding) – and to say that he didn't like it was the understatement of the decennia, if not of the century.

Jim realised though quickly that his plan wasn't going to be simple to achieve... Spock was damn HEAVY. Way heavier than Jim had expected (Spock was tall, all right, but he was lean, and always  _graceful_. How could one be graceful while weighing a ton, huh ?).

Jim couldn't decide if it was due to his own current condition, or if Vulcans bones weighed thrice as humans ones, or both, but getting Spock's unconscious and uncooperating body out of the bathtub turned out a challenge.

So Jim changed his plan's order and went first to place some icy bags on Spock's head and heart, then worked on making more ice, taking on the ground one of the 'bags' Spock had used to move the ice, filling it with the remaining ice and putting it in the freezing unit after having set it at its lowest, along with the few remaining drinking bottles he had seen next to it - hoping he would have more ice ready for use by the time Spock would be out of the bathtub.

After multiples tries and gropes, cursing at any beep his watch gave when Spok's temperature got 0.01 degree higher, Jim decided there was one last thing to try before settling for just laying Spock down in the bathtub (which Jim had considered as his last option, as it wouldn't be ideal, nor for tending to Spock nor for helping Spock's body cooling itself down to start with, as Spock would not fit flat in it and his skin's ventilating surface would be reduced) : he prepared a sort of cushioned 'landing area' behind him with any bag, mat and blanket at his disposal, hooked his arms under Spock's armpits, gritted his teath and pulled up, and let gravity do the work for him as he threw himself bakwards, nearly head first, bringing Spock down with him. He couldn't help but cry out in pain at the still too hard landing. But Spock was finally out of the bathtub, and that was all that mattered.

Jim then worked on disentangling himself from under Spock as quickly as he could – but he actually needed to take a deep breath before wriggling his way further out when he had finally freed half his torso and could breathe again normally.

Jim 's watch beeped once more, and Jim went back to work on extricating the rest of himself from under Spock in a hurry.

But suddenly, Jim stopped : Spock's hands were twitching – spasming might be more accurate, as Spock was obviously still unconscious. And, before even realising what he was doing, Jim was laying his left hand on Spock's left hand to still it (the left was simply the first in its reach), reacting instinctively to this simple universal call for help/soothing/reassurance.

The moment their skin touched would forever stay ingrained in Jim's memory.

Spock's hand, still unconscious Spock's hand, latched on to him like a vice : "Jim!"

_(AN : PROMISE : From now on, expect nothing but sunshine on an epic scale :))_


	19. Chapter 19

**XIX. WHAT'S IN A NAME ? (JIM'S POV) (if TOS uses Shakesperiean quotes then so may i, right:))**

Jim, at first, did a double take.

He had heard Spock calling him so  _once_  before - when he had just awaken from the dead, literally - but the occurence had never happened again, and Jim had classified his memory as pure wishful thinking : after all, if Spock ever was to use his first name, he would most probably do it "properly", right …

But this time, it was irrefutable.

 _Jim_.

An  _unconscious_  Spock had just called him  _Jim_.

Not Captain, not Sir.

Not James Tiberius.

Not even James.

_Jim._

Spock thought of him as  _Jim_.

Spock internally called him  _Jim_.

Spock probably wanted to be allowed to call him  _Jim_.

And it felt right; like a key finding its lock.

Only Jim's closest friends called him so. And whether Spock had noticed it or had guessed it or was just mirroring Bones (he would never call him "Jimmy Boy" though of course), the only logical explanation was that Spock felt like (or at least wanted to be) a part of those. It was near sordid for such a wonderful revelation to occur at such a dire time, but Jim felt warmth spread through all of him nevertheless.

And he couldn't help but tighten his hold on Spock with his free arm and (try to sort of) bring him closer, ushing out "Right here, Spock. I'm right here", wishing Spock would hear him - because Spock was definitely awake by now, judging from the fact that he was still squeezing his hand, but you couldn't say that he was conscious.


	20. Chapter 20

**Note: Merry Xmas Time everyone :) I won't be back before next year, holidays and so... Enjoy :)**

**About this chapter : it proved to me that I can snort AND have starry eyes at the same time. Let me know if it works for you too ???**

**.**

**XX. DELIRIUM (JIM'S POV)**

Spock was delirious, head rolling back, digging into Jim's torso, an imcomprehensible litany of what sounded like Vulcan words escaping his lips.

Jim's watch beeped again, so Jim tried to let go of Spock in order to push his way out and get more ice, but Spock wouldn't let him. That's when Jim noticed how there was once more a bulge *there*, and was faced with a dilemna.

Because Jim had pretty much clearly hinted that Spock had carte blanche if necessary about his body if necessary. But Spock hadn't. And touching anyone so intimately without having been allowed to felt just plainly wrong.

But Spock obviously needed release. And as it had definitely helped in keeping things in check for the last days, and as it might now have again a positive influence upon Spock's temperature, well, Jim simply would have to help him achieve it, no matter his zero knowledge of 'the Vulcan package', and no matter his intern stuggles.

Jim though was spared what he had judged as a necessary betrayal, as Spock's right hand started to move with an obvious intent.

Jim couldn't help but blush, suddenly wondering if Spock might have reacted to his thoughts – he was holding hand with a touch telepath after all, conscious or not... But if that was the case, well Jim just wasn't going to let go of that hand any time soon, huh; not if it could help.

Jim even squeezed Spock's hand and tightened his hold around Spock with his free arm, whispering "That's right, Spock. Do what you have to do and come back to me" before closing his eyes to allow Spock as much privacy as he could.

It never occured to Jim that he maybe should have said 'come back to us'...

Jim tried to block everything out, but it simply turned out impossible as his body was instinctively compensating his closed eyes by heightening all his other senses. And Jim couldn't help but feel his heart was going to implode - even if he couldn't tell if it would be whether from warmth or from heartbreak...

1) Spock was strong; Jim knew it, and only saw as an asset and not a threat as he had told Spock two days ago. But he hadn't expected to be confronted to it right now. Spock was sick - had been sick for days. He was delirious and weakened. And yet, the hold on his hand hadn't withered, on the contrary : it was now definitely turning painful, nearly crushing - and Spock wasn't even trying.

Jim was pretty sure he would bruise if it went on for too long, but the only thought though coming to Jim's mind then was wondering about how the 0.15 less gravity on New Vulcan in comparison to Vulcan-That-Was was going to influence the strength of future Vulcan generations; and he held Spock even tighter.

2) Spock smelled. Jim had never noticed or even given a though to this before, because there had never been before anything to smell (beyond soap of course) – Vulcans didn't sweat. Or better said, apparently, they didn't sweat like us.

It made sense - as a desert species, their bodies spared as much water as possible. Their blood was liquid, and they had lacrymous glands, as he had witnessed Spock crying (be it because Spock was half human or because all Vulcans had them ? – being able to clean one's eyes when sand and such would come into them was definitely useful when you lived in a desert, huh), but their sweat was gazeous apparently, not water based.

Because Spock's skin was as dry as always, but a feverich Spock definitely smelled, which came as a surprise to start with, but the most surprising of all was  _how_  he smelled. Trust the universe to have sweaty, sick Vulcans smelling intoxicatingly  _nice_. Jim knew it was probably nauseabond for Vulcan's and probably other species's noses, but to  _his_ nose, Spock only smelled  _minty_. And Jim loved mint. The ridiculous thought that he probably wouldn't ever be able now to simply enjoy a chewing gum without associating it with Spock had him briefly shaking his head at his own silliness.

But then Spock's hold turned even tighter, and Jim couldn't help but let out a pained groan, feeling something was about to snap.

The pressure suddenly decreased though, and Jim couldn't help but wonder if it meant Spock had been sensing his pain. He pushed the thought quickly aside, hoping that Spock was too out of the world to notice or remember anything: Spock had been adamant about not hurting him; if he ever remembered nearly breaking some of Jim's fingers, he would probably never forgive himself. And would for sure never hold his hand again.

3) Spock was again talking Vulcan, but Jim recognized a few words in the blur this time – Procyon, Tau Ceti, Eta Cassiopeiae.

Stars names? Seriously? Was Spock masturbating to  _astronomy_?

There was something so Spockian though to the odd idea that it only felt sweet - but then Jim heard "Las'hark" and couldn't help but feel stabbed, a by now automatic response in Jim's guts whenever he knew Spock was confronted somehow with the loss of his homeland. He squeezed Spock's hand tighter once more.

Spock shook then, ushing out "Sol", and suddenly went limp.

Jim couldn't breathe for a few seconds, panick rising through him until he felt Spock's breathing on a regular pattern and realised he was sleeping. Jim sent a thanks to any god that might have been helping he didn't even believed in, and worked his way out from under Spock as gently as he could.

Jim laid Spock as flat yet as comfortable as he could, and was glad to notice Spock's temperature seemed to be decreasing already. He placed as much ice as he could though on and around him for good measure.

Jim then called Bones, sending him actual data's and getting even more reassured when Bones seemed to think him out of the red too. He asked Bones to call Scotty, feeling simply and utterly drained of any energy now that the crisis was seemingly over.

But then Jim noticed the red rings aroud his fingers, and found new energy he hadn't expected he still had to take the skin generator out and work on healing himself: it would need several sessions, and Jim hoped the bruises would have already disappeared before Spock would awake.

So, between monitoring Spock's progress and healing his own hand, Jim had more than enough to do, you bet.

Not trusting his own body anymore though, Jim set his watch to prick him every fifteen minutes. He felt asleep here and there. But never more than ten minutes in a row. He wouldn't rest before knowing for sure Spock was all right.

At some point, Bones send Jim a message saying Spock's father had tried to contact him. Jim was pretty sure it was linked to a bond between Spock and his father and just couldn't call Sarek back for now, as guilty as he felt about it. As long as Spock wasn't awake, Jim couldn't tell Sarek his son was all right, and there was nothing more cruel than turning-out-later-to-be-false hopes. Also, Jim simply feared what Sarek might say: what if he told him he couldn't sense his son anymore?

Spock was still fast asleep.

The only thing Jim wanted was for him to finally awake.

And still be his usual self.

.

_AN : I didn't write Spock's entire litany of stars simply because I don't think all star names has been 'Vulcan translated' yet. But just know that in my head Spock mixes Vulcan and Federation names (simply because work related he uses by now more often Fed names than Vulcan names so it is believable for some to have taken priority about their Vulcan names in his mind, be it because they are shorter to write/talk or because he recently worked on those or whatever) and thus Jim is able to recognize the pattern. I also believe Jim only know at that point the general Vulcan name for Sun but wouldn't recognize the Vulcan names of the 3 Eridani stars - but of course Spock cited them all *heartbreak*. And of course Spock's litany would end with Sol, Human name. He is thinking about Jim after all, not astronomy, huh (but don't worry Spock – your secret is safe with us) :) Oh, and if you wonder, Vulcan semen imo is gazeous too... Pon Farr being what it is, there is no need for extra nutriment of any kind for their reproductive cells, so why would their bodies lose water putting them in liquid, huh... Vulcans do produce lubricant though. End of the unnecessary biology musings._

_vulcan :_

_**las'hark** _

_sun - general name_

_name for Vulcan's sun (comes from lasha)_

_sun_

_**behr'ak** _

_sun - red eye_

_40 Eridani B_

_**czar'ak** _

_sun - wandering eye_

_40 Eridani C_

_**alam'ak** _

_sun - white eye 40 Eridani A_


	21. Chapter 21

_**MY BEST WISHES FOR 2019 EVERYONE !!!!** _

_**.** _

**XXI. DELIRIUM (SPOCK'S POV)**

_Jim._

Spock was lured out of the dark by a tingling sensation on his skin and the general sense (sound, smell) of the nearby presence his body and mind longed for and desperately itched to touch. Had to touch. Had to.

_Jim._

Then there was contact and Spock knew he was imagining it all. He had touched Jim's skin before – once – so this either couldn't be Jim, or couldn't be real; and in his feverish state the second option was bound to be the most probable indeed.

Because Spock had felt nothing more than a maddening determination when his hand had squeezed around Jim's neck - even though he had actually been  _trying_  to access Jim's thoughts at the time. But now, Jim was an open book. And what a book.

Waves of concern and care were washing over him, and Spock was bathed in warmth and golden light so bright it was white in its center, pulling at him in a way Spock just couldn't resist, no matter if imaginary.

So Spock - having days ago decided that following the Jim in his mind was a way to get back to Jim for real - simply dived into it, without questioning the fact that everything was much more vivid than in any of his previous imaginary moments, nor the odd thoughts his mind was coming up with (for example, how could Jim for real ever associate him with something he put in his mouth ?)...

And Spock was burning; and  _everything_ was burning - but not from the same fire as before. It was like fire fighting fire; Jim's fire pushing the Fever away. And when Spock blacked out, this time, it was to a white explosion and a secure feeling.

_AN: So yep. IMO Spock used to think Jim was near psy-nul. My guess though is that Jim was unconsciously kind of shielding when Spock had his hands around his neck in ST2009– the last thing he wanted was for Spock to feel he was staging, so..._


	22. Chapter 22

**XXII. AWAKING (alternating POV)**

Spock awoke to a pull in the back of his brain. A pull Spock guessed must have been trying to reach him since he had passed out.

"Father."

The exchange was short. His father just needed some basic reassurance about his health, then quickly left him to recover in peace.

Spock came back to the world to the feel of local pressure and cold against his skin. He opened his eyes and froze, the sight of ice bags on him added to the clear scent of Jim in the air letting no other alternative than the fact that Jim  _was_  here - even if Spock couldn't remember when he had even come in _._

Spock sat up straight in a rush, scanning his surroundings anxiously until his eyes fell on Jim.

Lying on the ground.

Spock's heart missed a beat, until he realized that Jim was  _sleeping,_  judging by his regular breathing. His skin was unmarked, as far as Spock could see, and his clothes seemed intact too, but Spock concentrated on searching for a scent of human blood in the air anyway.

He couldn't find any, to his immense relief.

Spock realized his sense of time was also functioning again – his internal clock must have taken the actual date and time from his father. It was reassuring too; it had felt really disorientating not to have it for the last days.

Spock's eyes went back to Jim. He looked exhausted, even in his sleep. And he looked vulnerable - tenderness and a fierce need to protect slicing through Spock at the thought.

Then Jim winced awake, hand flying to his right wrist in a way that left no doubt about how Jim must have been adapting its alarm system.

"Captain!"

/

Jim leaped towards his First, eager to check on him: "Spock! How do you feel? Do you need anything?" He had noticed that at least Spock's brain wasn't damaged to the point hat he wouldn't have recognized him; but that still didn't meant Spock was all right...

Spock winced as he automatically inched towards him too. "I ache literally everywhere but my condition is nothing but satisfying, all considered."

Spock's voice was hoarse, but the cadence and the phrasing was definitely his, and Jim started to feel relief. He couldn't help though but to investigate further, and deciding not to do any mathematical check yet in case Spock's mind was still too tired from its ordeal and not wanting Spock to have to worry, Jim lifted his hand in the Ta'hal sign : "How many fingers do you see?"

"The adequate amount for a human being," Spock simply answered, but in that tone, and looking at him in that way, which Jim knew meant Spock was joking back.

"You are all right," Jim sighed, finally relieved. Spock would need time to recover, of course, but Spock was still Spock, and right now, that was the only thing that mattered.

/

And there it was, the bright, gentle smile Spock had fought days long to be able to witness again. It was blinding, even in its weakened version.

"Indeed, Captain. So you should take some sleep. I will contact Mr Scott and organize our return to Base SFO while you rest."

Jim didn't seem to agree with the idea, but he had to realize that his body, now that his mind was reassured about Spock's condition, wouldn't let him any other choice for long anyway, and he laid himself down, handing his communication device to Spock.

Jim started to lay down on the mat to rest but turned back to Spock with an unexpected question: "By the way, Spock? Can you tell me your full name?"

"Spock S'chn T'gai, from the Hgrtcha Clan."

Jim's face betrayed nothing , but after a few seconds he sort of nodded to himself. And then he surprised Spock once more: "Thanks. And feel free to call me Jim."

Spock gasped, which Jim took for something else as he quickly added "When we're off duty, of course."

Spock knew enough about the humans ways to know that Jim had officially let him in in the circle of his friends, and he wondered if asking for his full name had been in a way Jim asking to be let into Spock's circle... So Spock was sure he was blushing (even though Jim apparently failed to notice) while answering: "It will be my pleasure, Jim."

Jim's smile could have outshined a galaxy.

Then, the situation somehow sorted to his satisfaction, Jim finally went down to sleep.

Spock eyed him until he knew he had passed out before calling Mr Scott.

It took Spock more time than necessary to organize their return, as he had to reassure any one he got on the line first about his and the captain's conditions. But Spock realized he honestly did not mind much - not even when Dr Mc Coy took the comm from Mr Scott...

.

_AN : We've reached the end of this story arc. It is not 'THE' end though, vignettes stretching over the following 2 years will come - there are still ties that need to be tied, huh :) THANK YOU for your amazing reactions while I reposted this here - and you bet thinking of you all will give me the extra push I need to finally write those damn vignettes ready to spill out of my head for over 2 years already (never enough time, grrr)... See you all around when that time hits, I hope :)_


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